I'm kidding.

I know what you did because I went through your Instagram

photos, and a lot of you post some weird stuff,

which is fine.

It's your private account.

But most of yours aren't private.

I don't understand why people post embarrassing photos

to Instagram.

What if somebody important sees--

like your boss, or even me?

Like, then I can show them.

But you're probably thinking, Ellen,

I've never posted anything embarrassing on Instagram.

And I'm not talking about you; I'm

talking about Deanna Armstrong.

That's who I'm talking about.

Deanna Armstrong is--

Deanna?

Oh, my God.

Hi.

Hi, Ellen.

How are you doing?

Good.

How are you?

[CHUCKLING]

Let's just see what you posted, OK?

OK.

All right.

Let's see.

[GASPS AND LAUGHTER]

Oh my God.

OK.

Throwback to the night I don't remember.

LOL.

I'll bet you remember showing this now.

Oh my God.

So you're thinking, I'm getting handcuffed.

Somebody please take a picture of this,

because I'm going to want to post this.

Um, yeah.

That-- that-- how long ago was that?

You're asking me when it was?

I don't know.

What did you do to get handcuffed?

That's my brother-in-law.

[GIGGLING]

And this was, like, just a, like, a role-playing thing,

or what's happening?

We were at the Colorado River.

So he works at a hotel right there on the river,

and I thought it would be funny, since he was in his gear,

to handcuff me and take a picture of it.

Ah.

[ELLEN FEIGNS LAUGHTER]

[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]

Oh my God.

Deanna, there's somebody I think that you

might want to meet and get along with: Pedro Peralta.

Where's Pedro Peralta?

Hi.

How are you?

A little scared now.

[LAUGHTER]

A little scared?

Yeah, I just a tad.

Well, don't be scared.

But I just want to talk to you about this photo.

There's a photo, and a comment, "then,"

and "now," and "some things never change."

You seem to enjoy sleeping on a bathroom floor.

[LAUGHTER]

That's actually not me.

It's one of my best friends.

Oh.

You posted.

This is not you; this is one of your best friends.

Yeah.

I see.

So he's going to love this.

What--

[LAUGHTER]

He sure is.

What's his name?

Julio Vasquez.

Julio.

All right.

So Julio was then and now.

That's--

Yeah.

I think this was like two years in a row,

or a year in between them.

Yeah.

Somewhere about that.

Yeah.

That's a shame, really.

I mean, it's-- he's your friend?

Unfortunately.

[LAUGHTER]

Yeah.

Maybe not anymore now that we've done this.

Or maybe this is a good wake up call for him.

I don't know.

All right, Jackie Fuentes.

Where's Jackie Fuentes?

Hi.

Hi.

How are you?

Good.

How are you?

I'm great.

Thank you for asking.

You posted this.

It's a kid jumping into a pool in slow motion.

So let's take a look at this.

[AUDIENCE GIGGLING SPORADICALLY]

All right.

So there's that.

But I think the reason you did it in slow motion

is because we can probably look, and what's

happening behind him before he jumps in the pool?

Let's look at that again.

[GASPS AND LAUGHTER]

Was that at the Playboy Mansion, or where were you?

I was at my apartment pool.

Your apartment pool.

Did you see that that was happening in the background?

No.

No.

Not until afterwards.

I never saw that.

Oh, this is the first time you're seeing it?

[LAUGHTER]

Really?

We're pointing it out to you?

This is-- you thought that was interesting enough

to show a kid jumping in a pool, and didn't

know you were showing pornographic activity behind.

I had no idea.

Wow.

Well that was what was going on.

Maybe you'll look for those neighbors now.

I will.

I will.

Whoever they are.

All right.

And finally, Jaime Bigiorni--

Bigiornia.

Where is Jaime?

It's "hi-may" Bigiornia.

"Hi-may."

Jaime, yeah.

"Bin-yor-ee-uh"?

"Big-orn-yuh."

"Big-orn-yuh."

I got that part right.

OK.

And you posted this photo.

[JAIME SUCKING AIR IN NERVOUSLY]

[LAUGHTER]

All right.

Um--

Yes?

To be honest, I thought I deleted that picture.

But--

[LAUGHTER]

You didn't take the picture, but it's you.

Yeah, my brother, I think, took that picture.

Right, and it says, my hashtag man crush Monday, every day.

So let me get this straight.

You are your own man crush every day?

I am my own man crush, everyday.

Your own man crush every single day.

I checked.

It says that you posted this photo October 14th, 2014.

A long time ago, yeah.

But let me just tell you that that--

I looked it up --that's a Tuesday.

So the hashtag--

[LAUGHTER]

Well-- I'm pretty sure I did say, every day,

so it didn't have to be on a Monday.

You've got a point.

You've got a point.

My hat's off to you.

But no, it's not.

[LAUGHTER]

All right.

[APPLAUSE]

If I showed your photo today, you're

getting a 65-inch TCL Roku TV.

[APPLAUSE]