Thanks, man.

謝謝，夥計。

I'm excited about being here. We're going to have some fun.

我很興奮在這裡。我們將有一些樂趣。

My name is Michael Jr.

我叫小邁克爾

I'm going to do some jokes.

我要去做一些笑話。

(Laughter)

(笑聲)

(Applause)

(掌聲)

Yet, at the same time, I'd like to explain to you how life

然而，與此同時，我想向你解釋一下，生活是如何的

well, how comedy works.

好了，喜劇是如何工作的。

So let's stop right here.

所以，我們就到此為止吧。

I actually like the city of Reno a lot.

其實我很喜歡裡諾這個城市。

I was here once...

我曾經來過這裡...

(Applause)

(掌聲)

I was here once;

我曾經來過這裡。

I was keynote speaking for a corporation

我曾為一家公司做主題演講

and something really kind of strange happened when I was here.

我在這裡的時候，發生了一件很奇怪的事情。

Normally, I'm the type of person I like to be on a stage alone.

平時，我是那種喜歡一個人在舞臺上的人。

I don't need any help or anybody...

我不需要任何人的幫助... ...

So this CEO of this large company introduces me, and he has the microphone,

所以這個大公司的CEO給我介紹，他有麥克風。

and normally, we have two different mics, and he leaves, and then, I'm there.

通常，我們有兩個不同的麥克風， 他離開，然後，我在那裡。

That's the plan.

這就是計劃。

Dude stays there.

哥們留在那裡。

(Laughter)

(笑聲)

I'm standing right next to him with no mic.

我就站在他旁邊，沒有麥克風。

(Laughter)

(笑聲)

And then he looks at the audience, and I'm standing there, and he says...

然後他看著觀眾，我站在那裡，他說... ...

First, let me explain this.

首先，讓我來解釋一下。

I'm the type of comedian, like, I'm observational.

我是那種喜劇演員，喜歡，我是觀察型的。

I pay attention to things like college students.

我關注大學生等事情。

Take someone who goes to a nice school

帶一個上好學校的人去

like the University of Southern California.

如南加州大學。

Ask them what school they go to, you get a nice quick answer,

問他們上什麼學校，你會得到一個漂亮的快速回答。

- "What school you go to?" - "USC."

- "你上的是什麼學校？"- "南加州大學。"

New York University - you get a nice quick answer,

紐約大學--你會得到一個不錯的快速答案。

- "What school you go to?" - "NYU."

- "你上什麼學校？"- "紐約大學。"

Ask somebody who goes to community college.

問問那些上社區大學的人。

You get a much longer response, don't you?

你得到的迴應要長得多，不是嗎？

(Laughter)

(笑聲)

"What school you go to?"

"你上什麼學校？"

"Well, see, right now, what I'm doing, I'm gonna get a couple credits, right?

"嗯，你看，現在我做的事，會有幾個學分吧？

Then my financial aid is supposed to come through.

那麼我的經濟援助應該會通過。

Then I'm gonna transfer, man.

那我要轉學了，夥計。

They say school kills creativity anyway.

他們說學校反正會扼殺創造力。

Man, I feel vulnerable. Is Brené Brown around?

夥計，我覺得很脆弱。Brené Brown在嗎?

Man, I feel very vulnerable right now."

夥計，我現在感覺很脆弱。"

(Laughter)

(笑聲)

Let me tell you a little more about me.

讓我再告訴你一些關於我的事。

I love being a dad.

我喜歡當爸爸。

And I have five kids, yeah.

而且我有五個孩子，是的。

And I travel a lot

而且我經常旅行

so I can see them all.

所以我可以看到他們所有。

(Laughter)

(笑聲)

Ha, ha! I'm just playing. I don't see them, I don't see them.

哈，哈！我只是在玩。我沒看到他們，我沒看到他們。

(Laughter)

(笑聲)

No, I do. I have five kids. They're all with me.

不，我有。我有五個孩子。他們都和我在一起。

I live in Dallas now.

我現在住在達拉斯。

My kids are awesome.

我的孩子們都很厲害。

The thing about having a big family is

有一個大家庭的事情是

you always have to figure out ways to save money.

你總是要想辦法省錢。

We wanted to get our family pictures taken,

我們想拍張全家福。

and that stuff was expensive.

而且那東西很貴。

So what we did to save money was we all got in the front seat of the car,

所以我們為了省錢所做的就是我們都坐到了車的前座。

looked both ways, and ran a red light.

看了看兩邊，闖了紅燈。

That's what we did. That's what we did.

這就是我們所做的。這就是我們所做的。

(Laughter)

(笑聲)

Two weeks later, the picture came in the mail.

兩週後，照片寄來了。

(Laughter)

(笑聲)

But my son blinked

但我兒子眨了眨眼睛

so we had to do it again, we had to do it again.

所以我們不得不再做一次，我們不得不再做一次。

This stuff is crazy.

這東西太瘋狂了。

(Laughter)

(笑聲)

I was doing that joke in prison recently.

我最近在監獄裡也在講這個笑話。

I wasn't in prison, like, "Hey, I'm funny. Get off me!"

我不是在監獄裡，像，"嘿，我很有趣。放開我！"

It wasn't like that.

不是這樣的。

(Laughter)

(笑聲)

Whenever we're doing a big live event - like we're doing one tonight in Reno -

每當我們在做一個大型的現場活動時--就像我們今晚在裡諾做的那樣

whenever we do a large ticketed event, a concert, in a city,

每當我們在一個城市舉辦大型票務活動、音樂會時。

we always look for a homeless shelter, a prison, an abused children's facility

我們一直在尋找一個無家可歸的庇護所， 監獄，受虐待的兒童設施。

to go to during the day to do comedy.

白天要去說相聲。

So I'm so I'm doing a prison this time...

所以，我所以我這次要做監獄... ...

(Applause)

(掌聲)

It's a TEDx talk, I don't got that much time.

這是一個TEDx演講，我沒有那麼多時間。

You don't got to clap, it's OK.

你不用鼓掌，沒關係的。

(Laughter)

(笑聲)

So we're doing this prison, and I do the joke about the red light,

所以我們在做這個監獄，我做的笑話紅燈。

and 75% of the prisoners laughed;

和75%的犯人都笑了。

the rest of them... nothing.

其餘的人... 什麼都沒有。

Then I realized what was going on.

然後，我意識到是怎麼回事。

Some of them had been locked up so long,

他們中的一些人被關了這麼久。

the dude next to them had to explain the joke.

旁邊的人不得不解釋這個笑話。

He was like, "See, nowadays, when you run a red light,

他說："你看，現在闖紅燈的時候。

they send a picture with the ticket in the mail."

他們在郵件中發了一張帶有票據的照片。"

Then he looked at the dude next to him,

然後他看了看旁邊的夥計。

"A red light is what they use for traffic when you go down the road."

"紅綠燈就是你在路上走的時候，他們用的交通燈。"

(Laughter)

(笑聲)

And then he said, "A road is what they use..."

然後他說："他們用的是路......"

(Laughter)

(笑聲)

Wow!

哇！

Where am I at right now, man?

我現在在哪裡，夥計？

So I'd like to explain to you how comedy works.

所以我想給你解釋一下喜劇是怎麼運作的。

This is how comedy works; really all comedy.

喜劇就是這樣，其實都是喜劇。

Any time you laugh, this formula is taking place in one way or another,

任何時候，你笑的時候，這個公式都在以某種方式發生。

but specifically, with regards to stand-up, this is how it works as well.

但具體到站立的問題，也是這樣的。

First, there's a setup, and then, there's a punchline.

首先，有一個設定，然後，有一個衝鋒號。

Let me explain.

讓我解釋一下。

The setup is when a comedian will use his talents and resources

設置是當一個喜劇演員會使用他的天賦和資源時

to seize any opportunity

不擇手段

to ensure that you, the audience, are moving in the same direction.

以確保你，觀眾，在同一個方向前進。

The punchline occurs when he changes that direction

當他改變這個方向時，就出現了笑點

in a way you're not expecting.

以一種你意想不到的方式。

When you catch on to this change, you've received the punchline.

當你抓住了這個變化，你就收到了衝動。

The results are revelation, fulfillment, and joy expressed through laughter.

結果是通過笑聲表達的啟示、滿足和喜悅。

(Laughter)

(笑聲)

Let me give you an example.

讓我給你舉個例子。

A few summers ago, I took my family on vacation to Mexico.

幾年前的夏天，我帶著家人去墨西哥度假。

The first two days were rough

前兩天很辛苦

because the people there kept calling me a "Negro."

因為那裡的人一直叫我 "黑鬼"。

The third day, I realized they were saying "amigo,"

第三天，我意識到他們在說 "朋友"

and it was all cool; that was cool, so...

這一切都很酷，這是很酷，所以... ...

(Laughter)

(笑聲)

Did you see what just happened right there?

你看到剛才發生的事了嗎？

(Laughter)

(笑聲)

So when I was a child, I used to struggle with my reading.

所以小時候，我曾經為自己的閱讀而苦惱。

I used to really have a hard time reading.

我以前讀書真的很辛苦。

I don't know, I just struggled with it.

我不知道，我只是在掙扎。

I read now just fine;

我現在看書就好了。

like the signs over the door that say 'exite, ' I can read that stuff.

就像門上寫著 "退出 "的牌子一樣，我能看懂那些東西。

(Laughter)

(笑聲)

But when I was a kid, I used to struggle with my reading.

但小時候，我曾經為自己的閱讀而苦惱。

I couldn't sound a word out phonetically, it just didn't work.

我一個字音都發不出來，就是不行。

So now, looking back at it, I realize I developed seven different ways

所以現在回過頭來看，我發現我開發了七種不同的方法。

to look at a word to determine what the word was.

要看一個字來確定這個字是什麼。

And I just started noticing this really in junior high.

而我真正開始注意到這一點是在國中。

So I would look at the font size, the color, the positioning,

所以我會看字體大小、顏色、位置。

what's in front of it, what's behind it, how people responded to it.

前面是什麼，後面是什麼，人們對它的反應如何。

I got really good at looking at words differently

我真的很善於用不同的眼光看待文字

to the point in high school, people didn't know I wasn't really reading

以至於在高中的時候，人們不知道我不是真的在讀書

I was just working it out really, really fast.

我只是在研究它真的，真的很快。

Now as an adult, I read just fine,

現在成年後，我讀書就好了。

but I still have this ability to look at words, and people, and situations

但我還是有這種能力去看文字，看人，看情況。

seven different ways almost immediately.

七種不同的方式幾乎立即。

In fact, it's the primary place where I pull my comedy from.

事實上，這是我最主要的喜劇來源地。

So that very thing from my past that looked like it was a setback,

所以，我過去的那件事，看起來就像一個挫折。

looked like it was some sort of handicap,

看起來像是某種障礙。

turns out I'm actually able to use it for what I'm called to do now.

原來我現在居然能用它來做我叫做的事。

So just like you, you've probably had some sort of setbacks,

所以就像你一樣，你可能也有一些挫折。

but if you, in a way, would embrace it,

但如果你，在某種程度上，會接受它。

you'll probably find there's more opportunities out there.

你可能會發現外面有更多的機會。

Now I find comedy all over the place.

現在我發現到處都是喜劇。

At the airport today:

今天在機場。

little white kid walked up to me, asked for an autograph.

白人小孩向我走來，問我要簽名。

I was like, "Hey buddy, what's your name?" He said, "I'm Tanner."

我當時想，"嘿，哥們，你叫什麼名字？"他說，"我是坦納。"

I looked at him, I said, "No, you're not."

我看著他，我說："不，你不是。"

(Laughter)

(笑聲)

His mom was cracking up.

他媽媽都快崩潰了。

He was like, "I am Tanner!"

他就像，"我是坦納！"

(Laughter)

(笑聲)

"No. Trust me. You're not."

"不，相信我。你不是。"

(Laughter)

(笑聲)

Or I'll notice stuff; I saw this dude with a muscle shirt on.

或者我會注意到一些東西，我看到這個傢伙穿著肌肉襯衫。

You ever see a dude with a muscle shirt, like a white tank,

你見過一個穿肌肉衫的傢伙嗎，就像一個白色的坦克。

but he ain't got no muscles?

但他沒有肌肉？

(Laughter)

(笑聲)

What is that? A wife threatener?

那是什麼？妻子威脅者？

(Laughter)

(笑聲)

Depending on where you're from in the country,

要看你是國內哪裡的人。

you'll understand that joke better.

你會明白這個笑話更好。

(Laughter)

(笑聲)

And his friend had on a shirt that said,

而他的朋友穿著一件襯衫，上面寫著。

"If you don't speak English, leave the country."

"如果你不會說英語，就離開這個國家。"

Hmm... but it was written in English. So...

嗯... 但它是用英語寫的。所以...

(Laughter)

(笑聲)

So I walked up to him, and I said, "You're dumb!"

所以我走到他面前，我說："你是個啞巴！"

(Laughter)

(笑聲)

But I said it in Spanish though so he wouldn't know...

但我是用西班牙語說的，所以他不知道... ...

(Laughter)

(笑聲)

So I'm able to find comedy in a bunch of different places

所以我可以在很多不同的地方找到喜劇。

as a result of embracing what seemed like it was a handicap from my past.

由於接受了似乎是我過去的一個障礙。

I notice even what people say sometimes.

我有時甚至會注意到別人說的話。

Have you ever heard the phrase,

你有沒有聽過這樣一句話：

"Boy, I wish I could've been a fly on the wall"?

"孩子，我希望我能成為牆上的一隻蒼蠅"？

Every time I hear that, I walk up to the person, and I say,

每次我聽到這句話，我都會走到那個人面前，然後我說。

"And then what?"

"然後呢？"

(Laughter)

(笑聲)

No, no, no, no.

不，不，不，不。

You want to be a fly on the wall

你想成為牆上的一隻蒼蠅

so you could hear the information that was in the room.

所以你可以聽到房間裡的資訊。

Well, I've done the research.

好吧，我已經做了研究。

Hmm... Flies don't have ears.

嗯...蒼蠅沒有耳朵

(Laughter)

(笑聲)

Yeah.

是啊。

You would be just as ignorant as you currently are

你會和你現在一樣無知的

(Laughter)

(笑聲)

but you would be a fly.

但你會是一隻蒼蠅。

(Laughter)

(笑聲)

Nobody even listens to a fly.

甚至沒有人聽一隻蒼蠅的話。

(Laughter)

(笑聲)

I mean, let's say you're a fly that could read lips.

我是說，假設你是一隻會讀脣語的蒼蠅。

What are you going to do with the information?

你打算怎麼處理這些資訊？

(Laughter)

(笑聲)

And you've got two days to live.

而你還有兩天的生命。

(Laughter)

(笑聲)

You're making bad choices.

你在做錯誤的選擇。

(Laughter)

(笑聲)

Or people will say stuff to me like,

或者人們會對我說這樣的話。

"Michael Jr., where you from originally?"

"小邁克爾，你原來是哪裡人？"

I'm like, "Originally? Huh. Well, I was conceived in Michigan."

我說："原來如此？咦，我是在密歇根州受孕的。嗯，我是在密歇根州孕育的。"

(Laughter)

(笑聲)

"Before that, I was in my dad."

"在此之前，我在我爸。"

(Laughter)

(笑聲)

Yeah.

是啊。

(Laughter)

(笑聲)

"And then, there was a swim competition," right?

"然後，有一個游泳比賽，"對嗎？

(Laughter)

(笑聲)

"And I won, which is crazy"

"我贏了，這太瘋狂了"

(Laughter)

(笑聲)

"because currently, I don't swim at all."

"因為目前，我根本不游泳。"

(Laughter)

(笑聲)

I used to be pretty good though, apparently.

不過我以前很厲害，顯然。

(Laughter)

(笑聲)

I am not politically correct.

我不是政治正確的人。

I'm just going to tell: I know I do comedy, but it's just too much work.

我只想說。我知道我是做喜劇的，但這太辛苦了。

I'm just telling you.

我只是告訴你。

You have to watch the news and know the language.

你要看新聞，要懂語言。

If you put the right stuff in your heart, the right stuff will come out.

只要你把正確的東西放在心裡，正確的東西就會出來。

So I never tried, I never try to be politically correct.

所以我從來沒有嘗試過，我從來沒有嘗試過政治正確。

Some people work hard.

有些人工作很辛苦。

I'm at a coffee shop; a white guy in front of me orders a coffee.

我在一家咖啡店，我前面的一個白人點了一杯咖啡。

The lady in front of him is like, "How do you want it?"

他面前的女士就說："你要怎麼做？"

He looked back at me and was like, "Um, African-American please."

他回頭看了看我，就說："嗯，非裔美國人，謝謝。"

(Laughter)

(笑聲)

I was like, "Cool. Let me get the Caucasian Mocha.

我當時想，"酷。讓我得到高加索摩卡。

Let me get that if I could...

如果可以的話，讓我來接... ...

just get the Caucasian Mocha, I guess.

只是得到高加索摩卡，我猜。

I'm trying to learn, I'm trying to learn."

我在努力學習，我在努力學習。"

(Laughter)

(笑聲)

Coaches would say some stuff too.

教練也會說一些東西。

Ever hear your coach say something like,

有沒有聽你的教練說過這樣的話。

"The stuff I'm teaching here, it's not just about this game,

"我在這裡教的東西，不僅僅是這個遊戲。

You could apply it to life."

你可以把它運用到生活中去。"

Here's the thing, people: that's not true.

各位，事情是這樣的：這不是真的。

I thought it was true.

我以為是真的。

Straight out of high school,

直接從高中畢業。

one of my first jobs was... I used to park cars.

我的第一份工作是...我以前是停車的

One of the cars was really nice so I took it for a little spin.

其中一輛車真的很不錯，所以我就開著它去轉了一圈。