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  • ♪♪

  • ♪♪

  • ♪♪

  • This thing always reminds me of a duck.

  • [as Donald Duck] Time to open my vagina!

  • -Quack, quack, quack. -Put that down.

  • ♪♪

  • [normal voice] Sorry.

  • [clears throat]

  • Is Dr. Olson gonna be long?

  • Oh, she's out today.

  • Dr. Bennett will be covering.

  • -Okay. -He's great.

  • That -- He's...

  • He's a guy?

  • Yes.

  • Is he like -- is he, like, really old and doctory?

  • Because I didn't -- I didn't -- I didn't wax my...

  • [door opens, closes]

  • Dr. Bennett: Hello. I'm Dr. Bennett.

  • ♪ Just came here ♪

  • ♪ And I don't want you to leave ♪

  • ♪ I'll stay here ♪

  • ♪ And get it started with me ♪

  • ♪ Can't blame ya ♪

  • ♪ We bump into ya, baby ♪

  • All right, let's see what we got here.

  • Oh, look at that. Happy birthday.

  • Well, how do you know that?

  • You -- You counting the rings down there? [chuckles]

  • No, I have your, uh...

  • Oh, right. Stupid -- my chart.

  • [both chuckle]

  • -All right. -[clears throat]

  • Well, I was gonna go over a few things here,

  • and...then we'll set you free.

  • -You can go celebrate. -Great. Thanks.

  • Uh...

  • So, it says here it's been a little over two years

  • since your last Pap smear. Is that correct?

  • Yeah, yeah. I haven't had any sexual partners, so, no.

  • Oh, okay.

  • No sexual partner.

  • Well, you don't -- you don't have to write down,

  • "No sexual partners." I've had sex before.

  • -Ah. -Like, a lot.

  • Well, not a lot. I'm not a slut.

  • No, I wasn't thinking that you --

  • You know, 'cause, the last -- the last two years,

  • I've had, like, no sex at all.

  • So, I mean -- Has it really been two years?

  • We don't need to talk about it anymore.

  • -I have all the information. -You know what?

  • I think it's probably fine down there.

  • We can just come back when I'm having sex again.

  • No, no, it's okay. Honestly, I mean,

  • you know, you're here, you might as well...

  • get it done, right?

  • Especially since there'll be no STD testing

  • or family-planning concerns, I assume.

  • No, no, that's -- that's not -- way in the future.

  • Not even thinking about that yet.

  • Okay. Well, I should let you know

  • that, um, if you are ever thinking

  • about having kids someday,

  • the decline in fertility accelerates rapidly after 35.

  • -Rapidly? -Mm-hmm.

  • Just -- Just something to, you know, think about.

  • Uh-huh.

  • Okay.

  • [sighing] All right.

  • [glove snaps]

  • Okay.

  • So, I'll just, um... We need to...

  • And if you could just, uh,

  • scoot towards me a little bit, please.

  • [sighs]

  • [chuckles]

  • La-- Closer.

  • Okay. [clears throat]

  • A little closer.

  • You just want to get to the very edge.

  • Any closer and I'll be your beard, okay?

  • You know what? This is fine. I can do it from here.

  • -Okay. -Speculum, please.

  • Thank you. Okay.

  • -[sighs] -Okay, I just need a...

  • Take a deep breath, try to relax.

  • [sighs]

  • -All right. -[click]

  • Gonna hear some clicks.

  • [clicking]

  • Uh, cytobrush, please.

  • [gasps]

  • -It's in the other room. -[door opens]

  • I'll be right back.

  • [door closes]

  • Um...

  • She'll be right back.

  • -[chuckling] Right. -[chuckles]

  • It's okay.

  • [clears throat]

  • [sighs] We'll just wait.

  • Yeah.

  • [sighs]

  • I guess we...

  • Oh.

  • [chuckles]

  • [footsteps in distance]

  • [sighs]

  • You have any plans for your big day?

  • I mean, besides coming to the gynecologist?

  • [both laugh]

  • -No, no, just working. -Gotcha.

  • This is the only action I'm getting today.

  • [laughs]

  • Oh, no, I didn't mean like -- I didn't mean it like that.

  • I didn't mean this was action. You know?

  • I would have at least waxed, [chuckles]

  • which I normally do, by the way.

  • You just -- You're catching me right before I go in.

  • I actually have an appointment today, right after this.

  • Today is my day of appointments.

  • Probably should have done that one first, though, right?

  • No, no, it's fine.

  • I mean, it's not that bad at all.

  • I mean, it's not bad.

  • I mean, I'm not good -- Just fine.

  • You have to grow your hair out when you wax, okay?

  • That's how it works,

  • So that's why mine looks like that right now.

  • It doesn't normally look like that.

  • Just right before I wax, which I'm doing today.

  • I mean, not bald. Gonna leave a little hair.

  • -I'm not seven. -Right.

  • I always think it's strange when guys are into girls

  • like that, you know. You need something, right?

  • Like a landing strip or something, right?

  • Ah, the cytobrush! Awesome.

  • Thank you.

  • Okay. Just relax.

  • [sighs]

  • There we go. Breathe through it.

  • Olivia: Nobody wants to think about getting older,

  • but the reality is, we all do.

  • I mean, trust me, I know from personal experience

  • what happens if you don't plan ahead.

  • Like, my dad had a heart attack during a golf lesson

  • and left my mom with nothing

  • but a mortgage and 12 more golf lessons.

  • Definitely was not the future that she planned.

  • Let us help you set your family up with life insurance

  • and protect your family today.

  • Great, I'll transfer you to Danny for an appointment.

  • Okay.

  • Aww, you brought me a cake.

  • Jayne: Yeah.

  • With a fuck-ton of candles!

  • Mmm.

  • ♪♪

  • Happy birthday.

  • Does mom know you're using her story to sell insurance?

  • Whatever. Mom's living in my guest room,

  • -it's my story now, too. -Mmm.

  • Danny, can you pick up line two

  • to schedule an appointment for Mrs. Reeves?

  • Will do.

  • ♪ Hey, baby♪

  • ♪ Come on in, I've been waiting for ya♪

  • God damn it, Danny, I told you to use the intercom.

  • Right, sorry -- more profesh.

  • -Hey, Jayne. -Hey.

  • -So sporty. -Thank you.

  • -Is it your birthday? -Line two.

  • Oh, right.

  • Birthday on a Friday night. Do you want to go out?

  • -Please say yes. -No, I can't.

  • I'm doing L.A.E.s tonight.

  • You're getting laid tonight?

  • No, L.A.E.s -- loss adjustment expenses.

  • No, you need to go out and meet real people.

  • We're gonna get you real laid.

  • You know, after three dates, and if he's husband material, but...

  • I don't want to go out, Jayne. I'm too tired.

  • Well, yeah, that's what happens when you get old.

  • -I am not old. -Yeah.

  • My God, couldn't you have just used a lighter?

  • No, it's so much funnier this way.

  • Okay. That's enough.

  • Here.

  • Can -- Can you get the grimace off your face for one minute?

  • My doctor told me I had to freeze my eggs today

  • because apparently your ovaries explode at 35.

  • Well, yeah, it's true. The shit is just drying up down there.

  • Shut up, Jayne. My eggs are plentiful and wet.

  • You haven't even gone on one date

  • -since you and Ryan broke up. -Yeah, because I've been busy.

  • Yeah, but there are so many apps for that.

  • We need to get you on Tinder, Bumble,

  • Plenty of Fish, Coffee Meets Bagel,

  • Match, OKCupid, Hinge, Zoosk, Badoo.

  • All right, now you're just making up sounds.

  • Okay, we can at least go out one night for your birthday.

  • Come on! We can go out like we used to.

  • You just want to go out because you're bored

  • and you can finally drink.

  • Okay, I love my life. But have you seen my nipples?

  • Oh -- Jayne, oh, my God! I -- I fucking work here!

  • Put your shirt down, you psycho.

  • No, I need you to look at them, Olivia.

  • 18 hours a day, I swear to God,

  • all I do is feed that goddamn thing.

  • I need a night out. Please.

  • Mrs. Reeves is scheduled for Frid--

  • -Oh, my God! -Intercom, Danny.

  • Go!

  • I have some ChapStick in my --

  • -Go, please. -Oh, sorry.

  • Jim looks at me the same way when he sees me naked.

  • I need to get my vagina tightened.

  • Abby ripped it all the way down to my butt

  • with her big, fat head. I don't think it healed right.

  • You have got to stop talking about your ripped vagina

  • in my office.

  • Look, I'm abandoning my baby for the first time

  • to take you out on your birthday

  • so you don't die alone.

  • Olivia, you got to get out and meet people.

  • I'm good. Thanks.

  • Fine.

  • Go do your stupid L.A.E.s

  • all alone on a Friday night, on your birthday,

  • unmarried, no kids, just completely by yourself

  • while I'm at home being showered in love by my family.

  • All right, I get it -- I'm gonna be alone.

  • Speaking of that... thank you so much for my cake

  • and for making me feel so great on my birthday.

  • I'll call you later.

  • All right. Happy birthday.

  • ♪♪

  • ♪♪

  • ♪♪

  • My God! Mom!

  • You scared the shit out of me!

  • What is wrong with your face?

  • What?

  • I watched Kylie Jenner's makeup tutorial on YouTube.

  • Where are we going to celebrate your birthday?

  • ♪♪

  • We aren't going anywhere. I'm exhausted,

  • and I still have a lot of work to do.

  • Life isn't all about work.

  • Says the lady who's never had a job in her life.

  • Happy birthday.

  • [paper rustling]

  • Mm.

  • [chuckles]

  • I noticed some wrinkles, around your eyes, popping up.

  • You get that from your dad.

  • But that should cover your first unit of Botox.

  • I think you're gonna love it.

  • I've never had to do it, but I'll go with you.

  • I'll bring rose, and we'll have a girls' day.

  • I seriously can't live with that woman anymore.

  • She's making me crazy.

  • Yeah, well, Mom's batshit.

  • I'm just happy she got you out.

  • -Hey. -Oh, hello!

  • Mwah.

  • Oh, God, Jim, what did you eat?

  • I had garlic fries at work a couple hours ago.

  • -Hey, Olivia. -Hey, Jim.

  • All right, well, you girls have fun tonight.

  • Abby and I will hold down the fort.

  • Oh, babe, you should bring some smatter tonight.

  • What's smatter?

  • -No, Liv, don't ask. -Nothing.

  • What's the matter with you?

  • -[laughs] -That's a great one, honey.

  • Thank you so much. Bye, honey.

  • -I got to get ready. -He's so cute.

  • Yeah, he'd be even cuter

  • if he cared what I thought about his breath.

  • Now my upper lip smells like garlic spit.

  • Oh, my God, these frickin' boobs!

  • Well, you better shove those enormous,

  • over-sucked purple nipples into that dress

  • and get out before I change my mind.

  • It's already past my bedtime.

  • Okay, well, the tits are in

  • and I am on my way. Whoo!

  • Cashier: Welcome to Starbucks.

  • What can I get for you tonight?

  • Can I get your biggest iced coffee, please?

  • Okay. That will be $3.95.

  • [engine idling]

  • [window whooshes opens]

  • Cashier: [chuckling] My gosh!

  • My mom does the same thing!

  • -It's so funny. -Hilarious.

  • Oh, actually, the girl that was

  • in front of you paid for your drink.

  • What? Why?

  • I guess just to pay it forward, kind of thing.

  • God, that is so nice.

  • Let me pay for that car behind me.

  • Okay.

  • -That'll be $17.20. -What the fuck?

  • -Mine was like $3.00. -Yeah.

  • Well, okay, let me pay for the car behind them.

  • Uh, theirs is $19.80.

  • What the hell are people drinking?

  • You don't have to pay.

  • I think she just wanted to do something nice.

  • No, I mean, I-I want to pay.

  • It just doesn't seem fair, you know?

  • I got an iced coffee.

  • Sure.

  • Oh, God. Fine, here.

  • [change jingling]

  • All right, thank you.

  • $37?!

  • Yeah, for both cars. Isn't that what you said?

  • [sighs]

  • Have a great day.

  • Thank you.

  • -Oh, just a second, miss. -Oh, you need to see my I.D.?

  • No, you're fine.

  • You can't bring that drink inside.

  • Look, I just paid 40 bucks for a fuckin' iced coffee.

  • -Please. -That's...just stupid.

  • I understand that, thank you.

  • -You're not bringing it in. -It's my birthday.

  • Man, I mean, can't you just let this one thing slide?

  • [sighs] Happy birthday.

  • -Thanks. -No.

  • No way. 40 bucks!

  • -Now ask for my I.D. -What?

  • I said, "Ask for my I.D."

  • -Show me your I.D. -Okay.

  • [paper rustling]

  • I forgot it.

  • You're fine. Just go inside.

  • Happy birthday.

  • [music pulsating]

  • -Happy birthday. -I'm fucking old, Jayne!

  • Whoa. Why are you yelling?

  • Sorry, I just drank a shit-ton of coffee.

  • I ordered us tequila shots.

  • Alcohol's a depressant. It will counteract.

  • -Okay. Oh, sure. -Mmm.

  • Mmm!

  • Oh, do you think I look old? 'Cause this is it.

  • I'm, like, officially mid-30s --

  • like, right smack-dab in the middle.

  • The skin around my eyes looks like a Shar Pei when I smile.

  • Do you see the wrinkles? Those showed up today.

  • And, apparently, all my eggs are drying up at a rapid pace.

  • -I'm freaking out, Jayne. -Oh, my God. Can you please--

  • Sorry, sorry, too much coffee.

  • You know, I didn't get carded coming in here.

  • Did you? I don't think I look that old, do you?

  • Think I work too much, because that can make you look old.

  • God, I can't believe we actually made it out.

  • We so needed this. Your boobs look amazing!

  • Okay, we need to order more.

  • You're literally having a conversation with yourself.

  • But, first, I have a surprise for you.

  • -What? -I signed you up for Tinder!

  • ♪ I'm giving you the finger ♪

  • ♪ I'm pressing "delete" ♪

  • -♪ Oh, oh, oh ♪ -[laughs]

  • Get it? 'Cause you gotta kiss a lot of toads

  • before you find your prince.

  • You used my real name?

  • No -- What -- Where did you even get this picture?

  • From my bachelorette party.

  • It was the only one I could find of you not in a blazer.

  • -Look at all the guys on here. -Jayne, delete the app.

  • What if someone I know sees me on here?

  • Everyone's on here. It's really not a big deal.

  • Seriously, take me off.

  • Liv, you gotta get back out there, okay?

  • You need to start kissing your toads soon.

  • You're gonna be like 70 before you find a good guy.

  • End up like that lady -- desperate as fuck.

  • -See, that's sad. -That's your future.

  • That's Mom.

  • Mom!

  • Wow!

  • -Mom, what are you doing here? -What, you think you're gonna

  • go and celebrate your birthday without me?

  • Jayne tagged your location on Instagram.

  • What? I got bored waiting for you.

  • -Oh, God. -Who's our new dad?

  • Oh, that's Hank, my Tinder date.

  • I'll call him later. Girls' night!

  • See, Liv? Even Mom's on Tinder.

  • Oh, if you'd just knock the rust off your fuzz box.

  • I mean, when was the last time you got laid?

  • Mom?!

  • No, I'm serious, do hymens grow back?

  • Okay, we're gonna need some more shots, please -- three.

  • -I made her a Tinder profile. -Thank you.

  • -Ooh! -Mm-hmm.

  • Is that you? Well, you look hot!

  • -Thank you. -Just try it tonight.

  • Start kissing some toads.

  • You said "toads" one more time, Jayne,

  • -I'm gonna slap you. -I told you, you need Botox.

  • I mean, look how good you look without those crow's-feet.

  • -I'm gonna go pee. -Wait. Ryan!

  • -It's Ryan, it's Ryan. -Let me see.

  • What do you mean, it's Ryan?

  • ♪♪

  • Okay.

  • You know what? Fuck it.

  • If he can move on, so can I. Bye, Felicia!

  • Oh, no, you just swiped right on Ryan.

  • What do you mean, I swiped right on Ryan?

  • What does that mean? What does that mean, Jayne?

  • Undo it! Fix it, I mean, Jayne, fix it!

  • Wait, wait, let me just Tinder for you.

  • Let me just Tinder for you. It's fine.

  • No. Jayne, stop, stop, Jayne! Fucking stop, Jayne!

  • I don't want to go out with all these guys.

  • -Come on, it's fun. -For you.

  • Okay, this guy works in insurance.

  • Your pay-it-forward karma's coming back.

  • Oh, he would love your pantsuits, Liv.

  • Stop, Jayne.

  • But Cunningham's Insurance is huge.

  • I always wanted to work there.

  • Doesn't he have any pictures with his shirt off,

  • -like the rest of the guys? -He's 24 miles away.

  • -So, Jayne? -I'm inviting him out.

  • -Stop. -No, no, it'll be good.

  • -Jayne, stop, no! -It's been a while. You need our help.

  • I don't want to go out with that guy?

  • What did you do?!

  • Oh, my God, he just wrote that he's coming.

  • -Date number one! -Ooh!

  • Oh, I hope you shaved your vagina.

  • Okay, I'm gonna need another shot. Thanks.

  • ♪♪

  • -Oh, God, that's him. -He's cute. Just talk insurance.

  • -You should be fine. -Oh, I never peed.

  • Don't go now. He'll think you're a weirdo.

  • Hey.

  • Hi, Olivia Maple. Nice to meet you.

  • Hi, Aaron Cunningham.

  • -Cunningham? -Mm-hmm.

  • Like where you work, Cunningham?

  • Yeah, yeah. Like my dad, who started the company.

  • I'm the CEO, 'cause my brother is an idiot.

  • Olivia's in insurance, too. Aren't you two cute?

  • Mom, leave them alone.

  • Sorry, this -- this is awkward,

  • but this is my mom, Mary, and my sister, Jayne.

  • Wow. That's so funny,

  • 'cause they weren't in your Tinder picture.

  • We do not come as one.

  • -No, I know, I know. -It's just me.

  • That's so cool that you...

  • go out with your mom and your sister.

  • That's crazy.

  • Well, I had her when I was 18,

  • and most people think that we're sisters.

  • -I can totally see that. -[chuckles]

  • Maybe I should get everybody a drink.

  • No, no, that's okay, that's okay, they're leaving.

  • -Birthday shots! -Yeah.

  • Four tequila shots, please.

  • -Whose birthday is it? -It's mine.

  • I know it seems pathetic that I came out

  • on my birthday with my mom and my sister,

  • and that we went on Tinder while we were here.

  • But I swear to God, I'm usually super normal.

  • Know what? I'm not a big fan of normal.

  • That's good. [chuckles] Cheers.

  • -Happy birthday. -Thank you.

  • -I'm glad I came. -I am, too.

  • She's definitely awkward.

  • Okay, do you -- do you want to go grab a table, alone?

  • Yeah, I would love that. I --

  • not that I don't want to be on a date

  • with all of the sister-wives.

  • That's -- This is just her decision.

  • Whoo. Come on.

  • -Well, this is better. -Yeah.

  • Sorry, my family can be a little out-there.

  • Oh, they were great. They were great.

  • -Your sister is drunk. -[laughing] Yeah.

  • I mean, first date, and I met your mom, so...

  • Yeah, but that's definitely not something to brag about.

  • -Trust me. I live with her. -Oh. You live with your mom?

  • I mean, no, she lives with me, temporarily.

  • -That's cool. -No, my dad died,

  • -and she didn't have -- -Oh, I'm sorry.

  • This is way too much information to be giving on a first date.

  • -It is. -I'm gonna stop talking.

  • How many red flags do you think I've raised at this point?

  • -Five. -Five?!

  • That's okay. Hey, I love red flags.

  • -You love -- -You are putting up

  • more red flags than China, but, yes.

  • Well, good thing you love them. That's awesome.

  • Oh, yeah, yeah. I'm hoping that you've got

  • like 10 cats at home. Yeah?

  • -Oh, man. I have no cats. -No cats?

  • -I'm allergic. -Oh, me, too.

  • -Really? -Yeah.

  • I told you, I'm usually way more normal than I am tonight.

  • And I told you... I'm not a fan of normal.

  • ♪♪

  • You know, I always thought Tinder was,

  • -like, just a hook-up app. -Oh, it is.

  • We are totally banging after this.

  • -Oh, God. -I'm so sorry.

  • I was -- That was totally a joke.

  • I have a very dry sense of humor. I'm sorry.

  • No, no, no. No, you're awesome,

  • but I drank my body weight in coffee before I came in here,

  • and I'm about to piss myself, so...

  • Oh, don't do that. They have bathrooms for that.

  • Oh. That's a much better idea.

  • -Yeah. -I'll be, like, two seconds.

  • -Okay, you want a drink? -Um, no, I think I'm good.

  • Thanks.

  • Oh, God.

  • Oh, okay.

  • Excuse me, I have to pee so bad.

  • Is there a way I could just cut in front of you?

  • -Oh, you have to pee? -Yeah.

  • Oh, okay, why don't you just go ahead of all of us, then.

  • We're just standing here as performance art.

  • It's called "wait in fucking line," bitch.

  • Okay. Oh.

  • I was...

  • Man: Someone's in here!

  • Oh, how long are you gonna be?

  • -As long as it takes. -Come on.

  • Who takes a shit in a bar?!

  • God. Oh! Oh, my God.

  • Okay.

  • [breathing heavily]

  • [dryer whooshing]

  • You're making me do this!

  • Oh, God.

  • Don't come out until I say!

  • Oh!

  • -Jesus, lady. -Oh, God, shut up.

  • -Ahh! -[knock on door]

  • Ocupado! Ocupado!!

  • God! Oh!

  • Are you still not a fan of normal?

  • Oh, God.

  • [groaning]

  • Well, I guess my dreams of working

  • at Cunningham's Insurance is dead.

  • [chuckles]

  • -What is so funny? -I told you to hold it.

  • I couldn't, Jayne.

  • 30 ounces of coffee and a shit-ton of tequila,

  • it was like a damn geyser.

  • Well, I still don't think that's a deal-breaker.

  • I mean, they make pornos about that.

  • Oh, my quads hurt from squatting.

  • You know why this happened, right?

  • It's 'cause you didn't pay it forward right.

  • You had all that negative energy while you were paying --

  • I'm gonna pay you fucking forward in the face, Jayne.

  • See, there's the negative energy.

  • I wasn't into him anyway.

  • Yeah, why would you be, Olivia?

  • A hot CEO with Pantene Pro-V hair,

  • a great sense of humor.

  • Wow, let's kill him!

  • He was frickin' marriage material, Olivia.

  • So what? Not everybody wants

  • to get married with kids by 30, Jayne.

  • -Well, you're pushing 40. -Yeah.

  • And with only one serious relationship under your belt.

  • So...

  • ♪ I know you could be ♪

  • ♪ The one who saves me ♪

  • ♪♪

  • Give me your phone.

  • Are we gonna Tinder?

  • Fuck yeah. We are swiping right!

  • -Whoo! -Whoo!

  • Cheers!

  • -Cheers! -Cheers!

  • ♪ To bring ours back where we used to be ♪

  • All right.

  • [electronic chiming]

  • [sighs]

  • [sighs]

  • [chiming continues]

  • [sighs]

  • [sighs]

  • Oh.

  • [sighs]

  • [chiming continues]

  • Oh, God.

  • ♪♪

  • Oh my God.

  • ♪♪

  • Jayne? Jayne? Jayne?!

  • -Good morning, pukey. -What the fuck is that beeping?

  • -What beeping? -Oh, my God.

  • Oh.

  • Oh, fuck.

  • Shut up.

  • Holy shit! 252 matches?

  • Oh, to be young again.

  • How many times did I swipe right?!

  • [chanting] Swipe, swipe, swipe, swipe,

  • swipe, swipe, swipe, swipe!

  • Another match!

  • [crowd cheers]

  • I can't hear you!

  • Yeah. I got a boyfriend!

  • I got a boyfriend!

  • Oh. Oh, shh!

  • Sorry.

  • Ohh.

  • [sighs]

  • 252 guys swiped right on me?

  • Whatever. Just write it off to a fun, drunken night.

  • Then you can go back to your regularly scheduled

  • programming of cubicles and conference calls.

  • You know what? Fuck it.

  • I'm done doing that.

  • I mean, I'm still gonna work with the cubicles

  • and conference calls. I love my job.

  • But last night was the most fun I've had ever,

  • even though I power-pissed in a urinal in front of a hot CEO.

  • [sighs]

  • I still don't think that's a deal-breaker.

  • Yesterday, I woke up fine --

  • totally happy with where I was and how my life was going.

  • And then it's like... all of a sudden, I'm old.

  • And I realized last night that...

  • I've been a swipe-left girl.

  • A what?

  • I've been swiping left on life,

  • and it's just... passing me by.

  • Well, I'm done doing that.

  • From now on, I'm the swipe-right girl.

  • I'm gonna go out with every single one

  • of those motherfuckers.

  • All of them?

  • I don't know, Mom, I'm having a moment here.

  • Hmm.

  • You're gonna go out with this dude?

  • -Oh, my God. -Can't we go on double dates?

  • Absolutely not, Mom.

  • I'm not getting into another relationship

  • with you still living here.

  • We saw how that worked out last time.

  • Whoa! Suddenly, you're getting into a relationship?

  • No, I'm just saying that maybe

  • it's good that we try something new.

  • -It could be fun. -Well, what about me?

  • You just take care of that kid and keep those nipples covered.

  • It's gross.

  • I hate my body.

  • This guy is pretty hot.

  • -Minus the five-toed shoes. -Jayne: That's fixable.

  • There's gotta be at least one good one on here, right?

  • Well...

  • [sighs]

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