but Apple just made a new announcement

of their new products.

They did a keynote speech yesterday.

And I don't have any so don't get excited.

[LAUGHTER]

I'm just going to talk about it.

I don't have any.

They haven't even sent me anything yet.

But in case you missed it I'm going

to give you some highlights of what they're doing.

This is the new Apple Watch right here.

And it is fancy.

It has all kinds of features on it, like crazy features.

There's a cool feature called Fall Detection, which

I thought was at first like it lets

you know when autumn is here.

But Starbucks does that when they come out

with their Pumpkin Lattes.

So this watch will make an emergency call

if you trip and have a big fall.

This is-- yes, it somehow knows if you fall, trip, or slip.

[LAUGHTER]

Those are what happens.

And so what happens is the watch calls an ambulance

and then the ambulance brings you a new watch.

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

This guy doesn't look like he's falling down.

I don't know what this is.

That's just walking.

I don't know.

Anyway, the new watch has the ability to run an EKG.

Which I thought was a new kind of dance music.

But apparently it stands for electrocardiogram

and you used to have to go to the doctor for one.

But now, you can do it with your watch.

How about that?

But your watch does charge you a $40 co-pay, so--

Here's the new Apple phone.

And this is called the iPhone 10S Max.

And the screen is an inch bigger,

at least that's what they tell the ladies.

[LAUGHTER] The phone is powered by the A12 bionic,

which is the smartest and most powerful chip ever.

So take that, Pringles!

They've also improved the water resistance on it,

and not only did they test it with water,

they tested it with beer and wine.

So now your phone won't get damaged,

but Siri will slur her words when she's talking to you.

And she'll text your ex at 3 AM for no reason.

So to review, the watch will call someone when you fall down

and the phone resistant to beer and wine.

So it seems like Apple is designing products specifically

for people with drinking problems.