And how the hell do you know?

So this next question from Emily is a really, really great one.

For those of you that are struggling with making a decision.

And it's a question about how do you know when you're listening to your heart, or you're listening to your head?

How do you know, what fear is real?

In other words, and so she writes, "I totally get how it is so important to listen to your inner wisdom and stop the inner chatter of self-doubt, but what happens, Mel, when the internal war is between what your heart feels and what your brain thinks?"

And your inner wisdom is telling you?

And so this is a question about do you make decisions with your heart,

or do you make decisions with your head,

and how the hell do you know?

How do you know?

In fact, I was just talking with my creative director,

and she was sharing with me that a friend of hers is going through this terrible thing right now.

It's not terrible, it's just what happens in life,

where she knows that the relationship that she's in isn't right.

They get along really well, things are really easy,

but in her heart, she knows it just isn't right.

Those are the kinds of decisions that are really difficult to make.

And so it gets to the heart of Emily's question,

which is how do I know whether to make a decision with my head or a decision with my heart?

I'm the kind of person that believes you should always make decisions with your heart and soul.

You can use your brain for math.

You can use your brain to look at the fine print in a contract.

But when it comes to the actual feel of the decision, you always wanna go inward, and check it against your heart and soul.

How do you do that?

Here's the simple test.

Does the decision that you're about to make expand you, expand your future, or expand the possibilities of your life?

If the answer is yes then the decision is yes, no matter how terrifying it is.

If you conversely look at the choice that you have to make and the decision will shrink you, will silence you, will inhibit you in some way, then the answer is no.

No matter how easy the decision is,

no matter how safe the decision is,

the answer is no.

Now, one of the things I wanna point out that when you start to use this,

Does it expand or does it shrink me?

Does it open possibilities or does it keep things closed?

Does it raise my voice or does it silence me? Right?

—is that there's always a short-term and a long-term impact to the decision.

The short-term impact to making an expansive decision, a decision that's based in your heart and your soul,

sometimes it's terrifying because sometimes it means moving,

or it means changing a job or changing a relationship,

or having a difficult conversation or starting something new,

and those sorts of things are always uncomfortable.

So brace for impact, put the force fields up, but make the decision anyway.

Because the long-term impact of making a decision from your heart and soul,

that is where the best life comes from.

Because you're living for what's true for you,

not what's safe in the moment.

I hope that helps and let me know how you use this expanse versus shrink scale in order to make decisions that you're facing right now.

And don't forget, submit your questions to us by using the hashtag AskMel.