I don't know if I'm working it right now

It's hard to know

what to say, I-

I wrote this speech and

There's teleprompters and I got papers. I don't know what to

use

And in truth I was just trying to memorize Anita's speech because it was so beautiful but

You give me hope

Thank you, Jennifer, for that beautiful introduction. You're an inspiration to so many

Thank you, not only for everything you continually do for women

But for the force of nature you've been for so many all over the world. I

Think about me and my best friend who's here tonight right there

(Applause)

I've known her since I was four years old

Beautiful adopted woman from Korea

And how throughout high school

We danced and we sang

Imitating Jennifer

(Laughter)

Imitating you while we strengthened our bond

Her name is Bo

And wearing

white bandanas and hoop earrings

draped over caramel colored hair

You brought us so much joy, where are- where are you?

You brought us so much joy

On the train I thought about you

And how the fuck I was gonna get off that train

She loved you so much we even gave her the nickname. J-bo

No for real, like we called her that all the time

There is not a doubt in my mind

That you will be loved forever as the powerhouse of a performer and woman that you are

Thank you for making so many memories for me and my friends

That I will cherish forever in my heart

Thank you so much.

I never in my wildest dreams thought that my life would become what it has.

But more so, to be honored this evening

Purely for being a woman

It's beyond what I could have imagined.

I guess I didn't see it happening in my lifetime.

I am immensely privileged to be in the company of so many powerful women

Who have changed so many people's lives.

I am so humbled

to be standing

Hand in hand with every one of you today.

I spent a lot of time thinking about what I wanted to say

Tonight

Because of all of you

Because you inspire me

How does one rise to such an occasion?

When maybe you don't feel that inside?

How does one accept where life has brought them,

And what it all means?

As I tried on dress after dress

Today

Getting ready for this event

one tight corset after another

One heel after another a diamond to feather

Thousands of beaded fabrics and the most-

beautiful silks in the world

To be honest, I felt sick to my stomach and

I asked myself

What does it really mean to be a woman in Hollywood

We are not just objects to entertain the world

We are not simply images to bring smiles or grimaces to people's faces

We are not members of a giant beauty pageant meant to be pit against one another

for the pleasures of the public.

We women in Hollywood

We are voices

We have deep thoughts

and ideas, and beliefs,

and values about the world and we have the power to speak and be heard

and fight back

When we are silenced

So

After trying on 10 or so dresses

With a sad feeling in my heart,

that all that would matter

was what I wore to this red carpet,

I saw an oversized Marc Jacobs suit buried quietly in the corner.

I put it on

To a resounding view of eyes glaring at me in confusion

"But the Rodarte was so beautiful!"

one said.

"But the raft Simmons for Calvin Klein was so stunning on you!" said another

"But what about the Brandon Maxwell?" "What about the Dior?" Lots of questions.

They were all dresses.

This was an oversized men's suit made for a woman

Not a gown

And then I began to cry

In this suit,

I felt like me today.

In this suit, I felt the truth of who I am well up in my gut.

And then,

wondering what I wanted to say tonight became very clear to me

As a sexual assault survivor

By someone in the entertainment industry

As a woman

Who is still not brave enough to say his name.

As a woman who lives with chronic pain

As a woman who was conditioned at a very young age to listen

to what men told me to do,

I decided today,

I wanted to take the power back.

Today, I wear the pants.

Today, I wear the suit.

In an age when I can barely watch the news

aghast at the unjust men and

some women, quite frankly,

that I see running this country,

I had a revelation

That I had to be empowered to be myself today more than ever

To resist the standards of Hollywood

Whatever that means

To resist the standards of dressing to impress

But to use what really matters - my voice.

After I was assaulted when I was 19,

I changed forever.

Part of me shut down for many years.

I didn't tell anyone.

I avoided it myself.

And felt shame even

Still today,

Standing in front of you,

I feel shame for what happened to me. I still have days where I feel like it was my fault

After I shared what happened to me,

With very powerful men in this industry

Nobody helped me.

No one offered me guidance,

or a helping hand,

To lead me to a place where I felt justice

They didn't even point me in the direction of the mental health assistance I was in dire need of

Those men hid because they were afraid of losing their power.

And because they hid,

I began to hide.

I hid for a long time.

Until I started to feel physical pain.

Then I had to go to the doctor, because I didn't know what was wrong with me.

And then, I was

diagnosed with PTSD

and Fibromyalgia

Which many people don't think is even real and I don't even know what the fuck to say about that.

But I'll tell you what it is.

It's a syndrome

That is essentially a cyclone of many different conditions depending on the person

Inducing

A stress-induced pain

And I really wish my friend Lena Dunham was here tonight because I think she could probably articulate this much better than me.

And I hope we can all agree that she's a remarkable woman.

Depression, anxiety

Eating disorders,

Trauma,

These are just a few examples of the forces that can lead to this tornado of pain.

So what I would like to say

In this room of powerful women and men, today,

Is let's work together

to beckon the world

towards kindness

I'm fortunate enough now to have the resources to help me

But for many the resources either don't exist,

or people don't have the ability to pay for or access them.

I want to see mental health become a global priority

We might not be able

Or we're not able

actually to

Control all of the challenges and the tragedies that life throws our way

But we can work together

This room an even wider

Can work together

To heal each other

And we can also try to find

the strength, in the best way that we can

To ask for help if we need it

One in four people in the world suffer from mental illness

300 million people suffer from depression

60 million people live with bipolar affective disorder

23 million people are stricken with schizophrenia and

800,000 people die every year

from suicide

In

low and middle income countries

between

76 and 85 percent of people with mental disorders receive

no treatment at all.

In high-income countries between 35 and 50 percent of people are in the same situation

The people in this room and

the people that you have in your network

Have the power to turn

kindness into plutonium and change the world

For both children and

adults

to provide for a better

future and

Make up in whatever small way

that we can -

Microscopic maybe - for the pain those have suffered in the past

And if anyone is compelled to do so, please join me and my mother Cynthia

We're the founders of the Born This Way Foundation

to empower youth

to inspire a kinder and braver world.

We want kids to learn about mental health and the importance of kindness at a very young age

And it is my personal dream

That there would be a mental health expert, teacher, or therapist in every school in this nation.

And hopefully,

one day,

Around the world.

Let's lift our voices, I know we are but let's get louder.

And not just as women,

But as humans and see that there are

there are great men in the world.

And ask them to hold our hands.

For justice, that our voices be heard

Whatever our story may be, for an equal standing that we will fight for justice

For women and men and those with other sexual identities

For me

This is what it means to be a woman in Hollywood.

It means I have a platform.

I have a chance

to make a change.

I pray

we listen and believe,

and pay closer attention to those around us,

To those in need

I'm sorry, I preach a lot so you're gonna have to bear with me.

Be a helping hand.

Be a force for change.

Thank you, Nina Garcia.

Thank You, Steven Gan

I was an outcast and you believed in me,

and I wouldn't be here without you

Thank you Elle

Thank you all the loved ones in my life Bobby, I love you

Everybody at Table five

My fiancee Christian

All the loved ones in my life who'd take care of me every day.

And Ryan Murphy,

Thanks for giving me my first leading role.

You know that Golden Globe belongs to you man

Thank you to all of you

Everybody in this room

Who has supported me in having a voice.

And knowing

I have something inside me to give that's more important than

any stereotype about Hollywood.

I have my heart to give to you and

I want you to have all of it

Thank you for inspiring me I can't say enough about you

Listening to you speak tonight gave me hope.

When I have trouble sleeping because I'm afraid

When I walk out in the world and I'm trembling inside it's women like you, Anita, that make me feel strong

Come on

Be kind to yourselves and be kind to each other.

And,

To the designers that sent me all those beautiful dresses

Thank you, too.

It taught me something

That I needed to learn again today. And to quote myself

If there's one thing you take away