the Millenial question what's the Millenial question apparently

Millennials as a generation which is a group of people who were born

approximately 1984 and after are tough to manage and they're accused of being

entitled and narcissistic self-interested unfocused lazy but

entitled is the big one and and because they confound leadership so much what's

happening as leaders are asking the Millennials what do you want and

Millennials are saying we want to work in a place with purpose love that we

want to make an impact you know whatever that means we want free food and bean

bags and so somebody articulates some sort of purpose there's lots of free

food and there's bean bags and yet for some reason they are still not happy and

that's because you that they're missing there's a there's a missing piece what

I've learned is that there I can break it down into four pieces right there are

four four things four characteristics one is parenting the other one is

technology third is impatience and the fourth is

environment the generation that we call the Millennials too many of them grew up

subject to not my words failed parenting strategies you know where for example

they were told that they were special all the time they were told that they

have anything they want in life just cuz they want it they were told some of them

got into honors classes not because they deserved it but because their parents

complained and some of them got a is not because they earned them but because the

teachers didn't want to deal with the parents some kids got participation

medals you got a medal for coming in last right which the science we know is

pretty clear which is it devalues the medal and the reward for those who

actually work hard and that actually makes the person who comes in last to

feel embarrassed because they know they didn't deserve it so that makes me feel

worse right so you take this group of people

and they graduate school and they get a job and they're thrust into an it into

the real world and in an instant they find out they're not special

their moms can't get them a promotion that you get nothing for coming in last

and by the way you can't just have it because you want it right and in an

instant their entire self-image is shattered and so you have an entire

generation that's growing up with lower self-esteem than previous generations

the other problem to compound it is we're growing up in a facebook Instagram

world in other words we're good at putting filters on things we're good at

showing people that life is amazing even though I'm depressed right and so

everybody sounds tough and everybody sounds like they got it

all figure it out and the reality is there's very little toughness and most

people don't have it figure it out and so when the more senior people say what

we do they sound like this is what you got it it and they have no clue so you

have an entire generation growing up with lower self-esteem than previous

generations right through no fault of their own through no fault of their own

right they were dealt a bad hand right now let's add in technology we know that

engagement with social media and our cell phones releases a chemical called

dopamine that's why when you get a text it feels

good all right so you know we've all had it where you're feeling a little bit

down or feeling a bit lonely and so you send out 10 texts to 10 friends you know

high high high high high because it feels good when you get a response right

right it's why we count the likes it's why we go back 10 times to see if and if

it's going if our mints and my Instagram is growing slower I would I do something

wrong do they not like me anymore right the trauma for young kids to be

unfriended right because we know when you get it you get a hit of dopamine

which feels good it's why we like it it's why we keep going back to it

dopamine is the exact same chemical that makes us feel good when we smoke when we

drink and when we gamble in other words it's highly highly addictive right we

have age restrictions on smoking gambling and alcohol and we have no age

restrictions on social media and cell phones which is the equivalent of

opening up the liquor cabinet and saying to our teenagers hey by the way this

adolescence thing if it gets you down

but that's basically what's happening that's basically what's happening right

that's basically what happened you have an entire generation that has access to

an addictive numbing chemical called dopamine through social media and

cellphones as they're going through the high stress of adolescence why is this

important almost every alcoholic discovered

alcohol when they were teenagers when we're very very young the only approval

we need is the approval of our parents and as we go through adolescence we make

this transition where we now need the approval of our peers very frustrating

for our parents very important for us that allows us to acculturate outside of

our immediate families into the broader tribe right

it's a highly highly stressful and anxious period of our lives and we're

supposed to learn to rely on our friends some people quite by accident discover

alcohol and numbing effects of dopamine to help them cope with the stresses and

anxieties of adolescence unfortunately that becomes hardwired in their brains

and for the rest of their lives when they suffer significant stress they will

not turn to a person they will turn to the bottle social stress financial

stress career stress that's pretty much the primary reasons why an alcoholic

drinks right what's happening is because we're out allowing unfettered access to

these dopamine producing devices and media basically it's becoming hardwired

and what we're seeing is as they grow older they - many kids don't know how to

form deep meaningful relationships their words not mine they will admit that many

of their friendships are superficial they will admit that their friends that

they don't count on their friends they don't rely on their friends they have

fun with their friends but they also know that their friends will cancel out

them as something better comes along deep meaningful relationships are not

there because they never practice the skill set and worse they don't have the

coping mechanisms to deal with stress so when significant stress starts to show

up in their lives they're not turning to a person they're turning to a device

they're turning to social media they're turning to these things which offer

temporary relief we know the science is clear we know that people who spend more

time on Facebook so far higher rates of depression than people spend less time

on Facebook write these things balanced alcohol is not bad too much alcohol is

bad gambling is fun too much gambling is dangerous right there's nothing wrong

with social media and cell phones it's the imbalance right if you're

at dinner with your friends and you're texting somebody who's not there that's

a problem that's an addiction if you're sitting in a meeting with people you're

supposed to be listening to and speaking and you put your phone on the table face

up or face down I don't care that sends the subconscious message to the room

that you're not just you're just not that important to me right now right

that's what happens and the fact that you cannot put it away it's because you

are addicted right if you wake up and you check your phone before you say good

morning to your girlfriend boyfriend or spouse you have an addiction and like

all addiction in time it'll destroy relationships it'll cost time and it'll

cost money and it'll make your life worse right so you have a generation

growing up with lower self-esteem that doesn't have the coping mechanisms to do

with stress stress right now you add in the sense of impatience right they've

grown up in a world of instant gratification you want to buy something

you go on Amazon it arrives the next day you want to watch a movie log on and

watch a movie you don't check movie times you want to watch a TV show

binge you don't even have to wait week to week to week right I know people who

skip seasons just so they can binge at the end of the season right Instagram if

occasion you want to go on a date you don't even have to learn how to be like

you don't even have to learn and practice that skill you don't have to be

the uncomfortable into assists is yes when you mean nun says no when you mean

no but yes when you you have to swipe right Bing I'm a stud right you don't

have to learn the social coping mechanisms right everything you want you

can have instantaneously everything you want instant gratification except job

satisfaction and strength of relationships

there ain't no app for that they are slow meandering uncomfortable messy

processes and so I keep meeting these wonderful fantastic idealistic

hard-working smart kids they've just graduated school they're in their

entry-level job I sit down with them when I go how's it going they go I think

I'm gonna quit I'm like why they're like I'm not making an impact I'm like you've

been here eight months it's as if they're standing at the foot of a

mountain and they have this abstract concept called impact that they want to

have in the world which is the summit what they don't see is the mountain I

don't care if you go up the mountain quickly or slowly but there's still a

mountain and so what this young generation needs to learn is patience

that some things that really really matter like love or job fulfillment joy

love of life self-confidence a skill set any of these things all of these things

take time sometimes you can expedite pieces of it but the overall journey is

arduous and long and difficult and if you don't ask for help and learn that

skill set you will fall off the mountain or you will the worst case scenario the

worst case scenario and we're already seeing it the worst case scenario is

we're seeing increase in suicide rates we're seeing an increase in this

generation we're seeing an increase in accidental deaths due to drug overdoses

we're seeing more and more kids drop out of school or take leaves of absence due

to depression unheard of these are this is this is really bad the best case

scenario the bet those are all bad cases right the best case scenario is you'll

have an entire population growing up and going through life and just never really

finding joy it'll never really find deep deep fulfillment

work or in life they'll just just walk through life and it'll GE just it's fine

how's your job it's fine the same is yesterday how's your relationship it's

fine like that's that's the best-case scenario which leads me to the the

fourth point which is environment which is we're taking this amazing group of

young fantastic kids who had just dealt a bad hand it's no fault of their own

and we put them in corporate environments that care more about the

numbers and they do about the kids they care more about the short-term gains

than the long-term life of this young human being we care more about the year

than the lifetime right and so we are putting them in corporate environments

that aren't helping them build their confidence that aren't helping them

learn the skills of cooperation that aren't helping them overcome the

challenges of a digital world and finding more balance that isn't helping

them overcome the need to have instant gratification and teach them the joys

and impact and the fulfillment you get from working hard over on something for

a long time that cannot be done in a month or even in a year and so we're

thrusting to them them in corporate environments and the worst part about it

is they think it's them they blame themselves they can't they think it's

them who can't deal and so it makes it all worse it's not I'm here to tell them

it's not them it's the corporations it's the corporate environments it's the

total lack of good leadership in our world today that is making them feel the

way they do they would dealt a bad hand heads and I hate to say but it's the

company's responsibility sucks to be you like we have no choice right this is

what we got and I wish that society and their parents did a better job they

didn't so we're gonna we're getting them in our companies and we now have to pick

up the slack we have to work extra hard to figure out the ways that we build

their confidence we have to work extra hard to find ways to teach them social

the social skills that they're missing out on

there should be no cell phones and conference rooms none zero and I don't

mean the kind of like sitting outside waiting to text I mean like when you're

sitting and waiting for a meeting to start nobody go this is what we all do

we all sit here and wait for the meeting to start meaning starting okay when we

start the meeting no that's how relationships are formed remember we

talked about it's the little things relationships are formed this way we're

waiting for a meeting to start we go how's your dad I heard he was in

hospital oh he's really good thanks for asking

he's actually at home though I'm really glad it was really amazing I know it was

really scary for that's how you form relationships hey did you ever get that

report on oh my god no I didn't I'll help you out I totally uh can I help you

out with that really that's how trust forms trust

doesn't form at an event in a day even bad times don't form trust immediately