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  • I've been trying to figure out what I was going to say here for months.

  • Because there's no bigger stage than TED,

  • it felt like getting my message right in this moment

  • was more important than anything.

  • And so I searched and searched for days on end,

  • trying to find the right configuration of words.

  • And although intellectually,

  • I could bullet point the big ideas that I wanted to share about Me Too

  • and this movement that I founded,

  • I kept finding myself falling short of finding the heart.

  • I wanted to pour myself into this moment

  • and tell you why even the possibility of healing or interrupting sexual violence

  • was worth standing and fighting for.

  • I wanted to rally you to your feet with an uplifting speech

  • about the important work of fighting for the dignity and humanity of survivors.

  • But I don't know if I have it.

  • The reality is,

  • after soldiering through the Supreme Court nomination process

  • and attacks from the White House,

  • gross mischaracterizations,

  • internet trolls

  • and the rallies and marches

  • and heart-wrenching testimonies,

  • I'm faced with my own hard truth.

  • I'm numb.

  • And I'm not surprised.

  • I've traveled all across the world giving talks,

  • and like clockwork, after every event,

  • more than one person approaches me

  • so that they can say their piece in private.

  • And I always tried to reassure them.

  • You know, I'd give them local resources

  • and a soft reassurance that they're not alone

  • and this is their movement, too.

  • I'd tell them that we're stronger together

  • and that this is a movement of survivors and advocates

  • doing things big and small every day.

  • And more and more people are joining this movement

  • every single day.

  • That part is clear.

  • People are putting their bodies on the line

  • and raising their voices to say, "Enough is enough."

  • So why do I feel this way?

  • Well ...

  • Someone with credible accusations of sexual violence against him

  • was confirmed to the Supreme Court of the United States of America,

  • again.

  • The US President,

  • who was caught on tape talking about how he can grab women's body parts

  • wherever he wants, however he wants,

  • can call a survivor a liar at one of his rallies,

  • and the crowds will roar.

  • And all across the world, where Me Too has taken off,

  • Australia and France,

  • Sweden, China and now India,

  • survivors of sexual violence are all at once being heard

  • and then vilified.

  • And I've read article after article bemoaning ...

  • wealthy white men

  • who have landed softly with their golden parachutes,

  • following the disclosure of their terrible behavior.

  • And we're asked to consider their futures.

  • But what of survivors?

  • This movement is constantly being called a watershed moment,

  • or even a reckoning,

  • but I wake up some days feeling like all evidence points to the contrary.

  • It's hard not to feel numb.

  • I suspect some of you may feel numb, too.

  • But let me tell you what else I know.

  • Sometimes when you hear the word "numb,"

  • you think of a void, an absence of feelings,

  • or even the inability to feel.

  • But that's not always true.

  • Numbness can come from those memories that creep up in your mind

  • that you can't fight off in the middle of the night.

  • They can come from the tears that are locked behind your eyes

  • that you won't give yourself permission to cry.

  • For me, numbness comes from looking in the face of survivors

  • and knowing everything to say

  • but having nothing left to give.

  • It's measuring the magnitude of this task ahead of you

  • versus your own wavering fortitude.

  • Numbness is not always the absence of feeling.

  • Sometimes it's an accumulation of feelings.

  • And as survivors,

  • we often have to hold the truth of what we experience.

  • But now, we're all holding something,

  • whether we want to or not.

  • Our colleagues are speaking up and speaking out,

  • industries across the board are reexamining workplace culture,

  • and families and friends are having hard conversations

  • about closely held truths.

  • Everybody is impacted.

  • And then, there's the backlash.

  • We've all heard it.

  • "The Me Too Movement is a witch hunt."

  • Right?

  • "Me Too is dismantling due process."

  • Or, "Me Too has created a gender war."

  • The media has been consistent with headline after headline

  • that frames this movement in ways that make it difficult

  • to move our work forward,

  • and right-wing pundits and other critics

  • have these talking points that shift the focus away from survivors.

  • So suddenly, a movement that was started to support

  • all survivors of sexual violence

  • is being talked about like it's a vindictive plot against men.

  • And I'm like, "Huh?"

  • (Laughter)

  • How did we get here?

  • We have moved so far away

  • from the origins of this movement that started a decade ago,

  • or even the intentions of the hashtag that started just a year ago,

  • that sometimes, the Me Too movement that I hear some people talk about

  • is unrecognizable to me.

  • But be clear:

  • This is a movement about the one-in-four girls

  • and the one-in-six boys

  • who are sexually assaulted every year

  • and carry those wounds into adulthood.

  • It's about the 84 percent of trans women who will be sexually assaulted this year

  • and the indigenous women

  • who are three-and-a-half times more likely to be sexually assaulted

  • than any other group.

  • Or people with disabilities,

  • who are seven times more likely to be sexually abused.

  • It's about the 60 percent of black girls like me

  • who will be experiencing sexual violence before they turn 18,

  • and the thousands and thousands of low-wage workers

  • who are being sexually harassed right now

  • on jobs that they can't afford to quit.

  • This is a movement about the far-reaching power of empathy.

  • And so it's about the millions and millions of people

  • who, one year ago, raised their hands to say, "Me too,"

  • and their hands are still raised

  • while the media that they consume erases them

  • and politicians who they elected to represent them

  • pivot away from solutions.

  • It's understandable that the push-pull of this unique, historical moment

  • feels like an emotional roller-coaster that has rendered many of us numb.

  • This accumulation of feelings

  • that so many of us are experiencing together, across the globe,

  • is collective trauma.

  • But ...

  • it is also the first step

  • towards actively building a world that we want right now.

  • What we do with this thing that we're all holding

  • is the evidence that this is bigger than a moment.

  • It's the confirmation that we are in a movement.

  • And the most powerful movements

  • have always been built around what's possible,

  • not just claiming what is right now.

  • Trauma halts possibility.

  • Movement activates it.

  • Dr. King famously quoted Theodore Parker saying,

  • "The arc of the moral universe is long, and it bends toward justice."

  • We've all heard this quote.

  • But somebody has to bend it.

  • The possibility that we create in this movement and others

  • is the weight leaning that arc in the right direction.

  • Movements create possibility,

  • and they are built on vision.

  • My vision for the Me Too Movement

  • is a part of a collective vision to see a world free of sexual violence,

  • and I believe we can build that world.

  • Full stop.

  • But in order to get there,

  • we have to dramatically shift a culture that propagates the idea

  • that vulnerability is synonymous with permission

  • and that bodily autonomy is not a basic human right.

  • In other words, we have to dismantle the building blocks of sexual violence:

  • power and privilege.

  • So much of what we hear about the Me Too Movement

  • is about individual bad actors or depraved, isolated behavior,

  • and it fails to recognize

  • that anybody in a position of power comes with privilege,

  • and it renders those without that power

  • more vulnerable.

  • Teachers and students, coaches and athletes,

  • law enforcement and citizen, parent and child:

  • these are all relationships that can have an incredible imbalance of power.

  • But we reshape that imbalance by speaking out against it in unison

  • and by creating spaces to speak truth to power.

  • We have to reeducate ourselves and our children

  • to understand that power and privilege doesn't always have to destroy and take --

  • it can be used to serve and build.

  • And we have to reeducate ourselves to understand that, unequivocally,

  • every human being has the right to walk through this life

  • with their full humanity intact.

  • Part of the work of the Me Too Movement

  • is about the restoration of that humanity for survivors,

  • because the violence doesn't end with the act.

  • The violence is also the trauma that we hold after the act.

  • Remember, trauma halts possibility.

  • It serves to impede,

  • stagnate, confuse and kill.

  • So our work rethinks how we deal with trauma.

  • For instance, we don't believe

  • that survivors should tell the details of their stories all the time.

  • We shouldn't have to perform our pain over and over again

  • for the sake of your awareness.

  • We also try to teach survivors to not lean into their trauma,

  • but to lean into the joy that they curate in their lives instead.

  • And if you don't find it, create it and lean into that.

  • But when your life has been touched by trauma,

  • sometimes trying to find joy feels like an insurmountable task.

  • Now imagine trying to complete that task

  • while world leaders are discrediting your memories

  • or the news media keeps erasing your experience,

  • or people continuously reduce you to your pain.

  • Movement activates possibility.

  • There's folklore in my family, like most black folks,

  • about my great-great-grandaddy, Lawrence Ware.

  • He was born enslaved,

  • his parents were enslaved,

  • and he had no reason to believe that a black man in America

  • wouldn't die a slave.

  • And yet,

  • legend has it that when he was freed by his enslavers,

  • he walked from Georgia to South Carolina

  • so that he could find the wife and child that he was separated from.

  • And every time I hear this story, I think to myself,

  • "How could he do this?

  • Wasn't he afraid that he would be captured and killed by white vigilantes,

  • or he would get there and they would be gone?"

  • And so I asked my grandmother once

  • why she thought that he took this journey up,

  • and she said,

  • "I guess he had to believe it was possible."

  • I have been propelled by possibility for most of my life.

  • I am here because somebody, starting with my ancestors,

  • believed I was possible.

  • In 2006, 12 years ago,

  • I laid across a mattress on my floor in my one-bedroom apartment,

  • frustrated with all the sexual violence that I saw in my community.

  • I pulled out a piece of paper, and I wrote "Me Too" on the top of it,

  • and I proceeded to write out an action plan

  • for building a movement based on empathy between survivors

  • that would help us feel like we can heal,

  • that we weren't the sum total of the things that happened to us.

  • Possibility is a gift, y'all.

  • It births new worlds,

  • and it births visions.

  • I know some of y'all are tired,

  • because I'm tired.

  • I'm exhausted,

  • and I'm numb.

  • Those who came before us didn't win every fight,

  • but they didn't let it kill their vision.

  • It fueled it.

  • So I can't stop,

  • and I'm asking you not to stop either.

  • We owe future generations a world free of sexual violence.

  • I believe we can build that world.

  • Do you?

  • Thank you.

  • (Applause)

I've been trying to figure out what I was going to say here for months.

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