Is it having a nice car, is it having a nice family

or is it simply just having a career that you love?

I'm gonna share with you two different stories

of two different men and I want your opinion

on who you think lived a more successful life.

This is Ben and Ben had a really rough childhood.

He grew up very poor,

his parents were not exactly very loving.

Instead of helping him with his homework

or making him dinner or taking any interest in him at all

they would go to the local bar and drink.

And this was really difficult for Ben to deal with.

He would often sit alone in his room

and he would ask himself,

why don't they want to spend time with me,

what did I do wrong, could I be better?

But Ben never got an answer.

The way Ben coped with his childhood

was by reading books.

Everyday after school he would just

go to this local library and read.

See, books were a way for him to escape,

he didn't have to think about his parents

and he could just forget about his sadness

and just lost in his stories.

Over time Ben eventually became very fascinated

with Greek history and he would read about

great Greek heroes like Alexander the Great

and how they possessed all these traits of

courage, bravery, and power.

And sometimes he would even imagine himself

being this rich, Greek, conqueror

where he had the freedom and power

to do whatever he wanted.

And he could help as many people as he wanted.

It was through reading these books when Ben decided

that he wanted a better life for himself.

He wanted to become a modern day conqueror.

Fast forward to high school

and Ben was working extremely hard.

He only had one goal on his mind at this time

at that was to get a full ride scholarship

to a local college.

And through hard work he actually did it.

And he decided to pursue law.

After college Ben went on to become a fierce lawyer,

his work ethic was unmatched,

his intensity was admired and feared by his competition.

Ben was becoming unstoppable.

And over the next few years he had become

one of the top paid lawyers in the state.

All of this achievement and quote unquote success

did come at a cost.

Ben didn't have time to go outside and socialize,

he didn't have time for hobbies or vacations

and he certainly did not have time to settle down

and find a loving partner.

His work had completely consumed him

but this is the price that everybody has to pay

if they want to become a modern day conqueror.

And also, if Ben was being totally honest with himself

he didn't exactly love practicing law.

It's not like he woke up in the morning

and was super excited to work

and to spend hours and hours researching every single case.

Because he was so busy he never actually asked himself,

what do I actually enjoy doing?

What would I do if I had $20 million in my bank account?

How would I spend my time?

But this work is what allowed him to live in a nice house,

to drive a nice car and to eat at nice restaurants.

But most importantly it's what allowed him

to be financially free

which is something that he always wanted since he was a kid.

This is Jeff.

And Jeff was born into a middle-class family.

His childhood was pretty average,

no major traumas, he played some sports

and he had a very nice family.

And he did okay in school.

From a very young age, Jeff's parents told him,

Jeff, do whatever makes you happy.

And that's exactly what he did.

Fast forward to high school

and Jeff was doing just enough to get by.

He didn't have big college dreams

or dreams of conquering the world.

He spent most of his time just doing what he liked

which was playing the guitar

or hanging out with his friends.

Jeff did really enjoy helping people though.

And he even started to volunteer

at the local homeless shelter a couple times per week.

And doing this gave him a lot of joy and happiness.

Jeff did apply to a few colleges in his area

and eventually one accepted him.

But he had no idea what he wanted to major in.

And after a few years

of kind of floating around and taking it easy,

he decided to major in creative writing.

Because english was the only academic class

that he actually enjoyed.

After college, Jeff decided to start a blog about music

where he would interview local musicians in the area

about how they got started,

about what their future plans were.

And again, he did this because he loved music

and he loved helping other people succeed.

And over time,

Jeff built up a small but loyal fan base online

and he truly loved what he did.

It was combining his two passions, writing and music.

However, this job did not exactly pay that well,

he wasn't driving around in nice cars

or going to nice restaurants

and he could only afford a very basic apartment.

He was making just enough money to get by

while saving only a little bit every single month.

What Jeff did have was time.

He had time to make friends,

he had time to go out

and make great memories with these friends

and he even had time to meet a great girlfriend.

Jeff was the type of guy who didn't take life too seriously.

So I bet most of you guys have an idea in your head

about who was more successful.

But before you tell me your opinion,

let me quickly tell you mine.

Everyone has a different vision

of what success look likes.

And the interesting thing about success

is that everyone thinks their vision of success

is the correct one

and that everyone else's vision is wrong.

In my personal opinion, I think all this great.

I think wanting money is good,

I think wanting a loving family is great

but the problem arises when we start saying

our vision of success is the right one

and your vision of success is the wrong one.

And the reason why most people tend to do this

is because when he hear about

another person's vision of success

that contradicts our vision or it contradicts the way

that we've already been living our life

we get really defensive

and we will start to exaggerate all the positives

about our lifestyle

and we really play down all the negatives.

If your parents spent their whole lives

focusing on stability and money

they are way more likely to tell you

that that's the proper way to live life

and they will highlight all the positives.

Similar to how if your parents focused on fun and joy

they are much more likely to encourage you to do that.

The main point here is that the only person

who knows what a successful life looks like for you is you.

You can and should listen to other people's perspectives

but just remember,

part of the reason why they're telling you

about how good their lifestyle is

is because it makes them feel good

about their own life choices.

Never, ever let someone else tell you

how you should live your life.

Because it's not their life, it's your life.

So coming back to Ben versus Jeff,

I don't know who lived the more successful life.

You could make great, logical, rational,

amazing arguments for both sides.

The only people who know for certain

if they are successful is Ben and Jeff.

And they only way they can figure this out

and they only way that all of us can figure this out

is to become self-aware and understand

what success really means to us.