Epic Rap Battles Of History

George R. R. Martin

VERSUS

J. R. R. Tolkien

BEGIN!

Brace yourself

gather up your trolls

and your soldier elves

and your ents and your orcs

and your wargs and your Stings

your dwarves and Glamdrings

cause there's a new literary Lord in the Ring

my readers fall in love

with every character I've written

then I kill 'em

and they're like "no he didn't"

all your bad guys die

and your good guys survive

we can teel what's gonna happen

by page and age five

tell your all seeing eye

to find some sex in your movies

ditch the Goonie

and cast a couple boobies

there's edgier plots in that

David the Gnome

your hobbit hole heroes

can't handle my throne

Kings

Queens

dragons

dragons

horses, fortresses, magic and swords

you Hob-bit my whole shit

you uninspired hack

you want a war George?

welcome to Shire-raq

in book sales you've go nothing to sav

I'm number one and two

you're under Fifty Shades of Grey

I got the prose of a pro

your shit's subpar

you're a pirate

you even stole my R.R.

we all know the world is full

of chance and anarchy

so yes it's true to life

for characters to die randomly

but news flash

the genre's called fantasy

it's meant to be unrealistic

you myopic manatee

I conscientiously object

to what you're doing on these beats

I'll cut you like my teeth

on Beauty and the Beast

you went too deep

Professor tweed pants

we don't need the back story

on every fucking tree branch

I cut my teeth in the trenches of the Somme

you LARPed your Santa Claus ass

through Vietnam

and it's hard for me to take

criticism on clothes

from a dude who sends a raven

to say hi to his toes

Man your fat jokes

are worse that your pipe smoke

my show's the hottest thing on HBO!

I'm rock and roll, you're a

nerdy little nebbish

and I may be dirty

but you got a hairy foot fetish dog

even the names of your characters suck

you got Boffers and Bofurs

and Brandybucks

I got a second breakfast

for all them goofy fucks

lift up my gut

and tea Baggins my nuts

C.S. Lewis and I were just discussing

how you and Jon snow

both know nothing!

because the backstory of my

box office is billions

got my children making millions

off my Silmarillions

and I'm more rock and roll

than you've ever been

don't believe me?

ask Led Zeppelin!

you can't reach this fellow

shit, I'm too Towering

every time I battle

it's return of the King!!!

WHO WON?

WHO NEXT?

YOU DECIDE!

Epic Rap Battles Of History

//Ich hab mein bestes versucht, allerdings ist es teilweise sehr schwierig, eine gute Übersetzung zu finden, die sich auch für Untertitel eignet.

//Verbesserungsvorschläge sind gerne gesehen! :-)

//Untertitel von: Chrintario