Advanced English Conversation Lesson #9: Living Abroad (learn real English w/ subtitles)

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- Hello, everybody.
This is Jack from tofluency.com,
along with my wife Kate.
And if you have seen one of our lessons before,
then you'll know that we have natural conversations
about a variety of different topics.
And that's what this video is about.
So if you are new, then welcome to you.
Please like this video and also subscribe.
And check out the description,
because I'm going to leave key vocabulary there
so you can learn some new words and phrases.
Okay, that was a long introduction.
What are we going to talk about?
- (laughs) Okay.
So today, I'd like to talk about the experience
of living in a foreign country.
- Yeah, the experience of living in a foreign country,
which is what I am doing right now,
what we both did when we lived in Spain.
- And if you're learning English,
you're probably wondering, you know, what it would be like
to live in America or the UK.
Maybe you've had an experience living or visiting
one of these countries, so.
- Yeah.
And I know a lot of people who follow us here live in the UK
and live in America.
We get a lot of emails from people,
so it's kind of interesting to think about it in that way.
So we moved to Spain in 2008.
- Wow.
- 10 years ago.
- Oh my goodness, I can't believe it's been 10 years.
- It's been 10 years.
- Okay.
- And we first, we lived in Bilbao for a year
and then we lived in Valencia, in Spain.
How can we start this?
What do you think is a good place to start?
- Yeah.
So I was thinking we could talk a little bit
about what it's like to be in a foreign country
and some of the things that we missed.
- While living there.
- Yes.
- Right, yeah.
And some of the things that we miss
about not being in Spain now.
- Yeah, yeah.
Like some of the things that were the hardest at the time,
and some of the best things that we took away
from that experience.
- Okay, perfect.
So one of the biggest challenges we faced when we got there
was finding somewhere to live.
And I do know that some people didn't want us
because we were foreign.
They heard the accent, you know.
Shockingly, they didn't think I was Spanish
when I was speaking to them over the phone (laughs).
So it was quite difficult to find a place
but not just because of that
but because also we didn't know the regulations,
we didn't know how things worked.
- Yeah, I think that's a really big part
of living in a foreign country
that people can find challenging
is like there's so much that you just don't know exactly
how to do things.
- Exactly.
- And little things.
Like big things, like finding an apartment,
but also little things like getting food at the supermarket.
- Yeah.
Or one thing about Bilbao was when you are at a bar
or a restaurant, you just throw napkins,
you throw the little toothpicks, the pinchos.
- Oh, pinchos.
I miss pinchos, and the food in Spain.
- Yes.
So pinchos are like these little snacks, usually bread
and then something on top.
- Yes.
- But when you are finished with whatever you're using,
you throw it on the floor.
- In Bilbao.
- In Bilbao.
Yeah.
The other thing about Bilbao, people drove really well
compared to Valencia.
- (laughs) We love Valencia though too, so yeah.
- Oh yeah, I'm just saying in Valencia,
people were crazy on the roads.
- True.
- True.
And you had to, when the green man came on
to cross the road, you had to be very quick.
- Yeah, you had to run.
- (laughs) Yeah.
Because it gave you like five seconds
to cross six lanes of traffic.
- True.
- But going back to Bilbao, it took us a long time
to find a place.
And one of the things I remember was having to pay
the realtor a month's rent
because they helped us find this apartment.
- This apartment.
- We didn't know that.
- Nope.
- That was something new to us.
- It was a surprise.
- It was a surprise.
So it took us a long time to find a place.
We also found it difficult to know
when there was a holiday
and the fact that everything is closed.
Everything is closed. - Everything is closed.
Which is amazing, because people take that time
to go back to their villages,
to really close up stores and businesses
and take that break.
But when you're foreign and you don't know
how those kind of cultural things work,
it can be difficult.
- Yes.
And just a note on that, it helps protect family businesses,
doesn't it, because they can take that time off
knowing that everything else is closed.
One thing as well, when we had to get furniture,
where did we go?
- We went to Ikea.
- What happened at Ikea?
- We didn't know that the subway had closed
and we bought an entire apartment worth of furniture.
- Yeah.
- We had a bed and a table and some chairs already,
but we got everything else.
And so we just rolled out of Ikea
with our shopping carts full,
(laughs) no idea how to get it home.
- Yeah, so I remember standing there
after going through the checkout
and just looking at the delivery service as well,
which was closed.
Subway had closed.
And people were starting to look at us and talk.
- And talk about us.
- They thought that we were from...
- I don't remember.
- Finland.
- From Finland.
That's amazing.
That's really cool.
- So what happened?
- Well, I think that all of these little experiences
are really what was hardest for me
about living in a foreign country,
which is just trying to be, you know, just trying to live
and have people see me as a person.
- Right.
- Who, you know.
And so many little things,
like it's hard to have a sense of humor
when you don't speak the language,
and probably you're finding this if you're learning English,
that your sense of humor may not translate.
- Exactly.
- So jokes and things like that.
And then just trying to have a, you know, conversation
and take care of business is challenging.
- Take care of business.
- Yeah.
- And just to finish the story, okay,
in case people are wondering.
- Yes.
It has a happy ending.
- Yeah, at Ikea there was a guy who worked there
and he saw that we were having problems
and he took us with all our stuff back to our apartment.
- Yes.
- Which was very nice.
- It was amazing.
We're very thankful still.
- Still, definitely.
- 10 years later.
- So yeah.
What are two or three, you've got a question?
- Yeah, I was just gonna say.
So we talked about some things that were challenging
at first.
But I almost forgot those now, it's been so long.
What are some of the amazing things about living in Spain
that have really stuck with you?
- That's the question I was gonna ask.
- Oh.
- Yeah, so we had the same idea.
Well, I think a big part of it for me was
it was the first time that I was working
and living on my own.
So I went to university and I was living on my own then,
but when I was working in my hometown,
I was living with my parents.
So it was the first time that I was living and working
on my own.
And I remember getting to Bilbao and just being so excited.
And we were really open to trying new things
and really experiencing Spain.
But some of the things I really enjoyed,
part of it is the bar hopping and going out with people
and the culture of having a little bit of alcohol
and a little bit of food, going to the next place.
And the friends that we made there was part
of that experience too.
The people were great.
- So amazing.
- Really good fun.
And when we talk about a sense of humor,
where we could laugh and joke about things
if, if they spoke English.
- (laughs) Yes.
And by the end of the experience too,
we could understand more about the sense of humor and...
- Yeah, and have the context for that too.
Because a lot of the time you're learning
about the current political situation,
you have to learn about the local football team
and the history of it and why that's important.
You have to learn all these different things.
The audio's still going.
To like really get that context
and to understand what is going on there.
- Yeah, absolutely.
- We worked as English teachers, didn't we?
- We did, uh huh, both of us.
- I also just enjoyed being in a big city
with lots of public transport.
- Yes.
You know, some countries are a little bit harder
to kind of live a casual young life in
and I think that the United States in places
can be challenging if you don't have a car,
if you don't have, you know, I guess savings
for health insurance and things like that.
Yes, so there were so many good things too.
And now you've started this whole other chapter of your life
where you're living in a foreign country
and I forget that sometimes.
- Yeah, you do forget that.
- Yeah, do you forget it too?
- Yeah.
I see where I live now as home.
And one of the things here is that people don't talk
about the fact I'm English all the time.
Whereas in other parts of the US, that can be quite novel
and people only want to talk about that.
But here, people are more...
I guess, you know, we've been friends with people
for a long time.
I probably modified the way I speak a little bit
so people can understand.
And (laughs) like I say soccer.
- He says soccer.
- I say soccer all the time.
Because there's no point in saying football,
because then that creates confusion.
- So much confusion.
- Yeah, I'm saying that to justify
in case a friend from home is watching,
because they don't like it.
(laughs)
But yeah.
- You're American.
- I see it as home.
- Practically.
- Well, not legally.
- Yet.
- Yet.
What about you?
Do you notice anything about me living in a foreign country
that, you know, is there anything that you pick up on still?
Or do you feel like I'm just here?
- Yeah, that's a really hard question to answer
because we are together so much
and a lot of what we're doing, you know, parenting,
just running our lives, where we don't really get a time
to step back and to think about it.
I think when I really thought about it
was when you mentioned that you were a little bit homesick
before our trip.
And so when you were feeling homesick,
what occurred to you?
What were you thinking about and missing?
- Yeah, I think it's just being in an environment
that you grew up in.
More than anything.
- And so, what about that environment?
- The way people speak.
The food.
Television.
The sense of humor, in certain ways.
And just to experience it again,
that's what I was missing.
And it wasn't a really strong feeling.
I wasn't like "Oh, I need to go home, I miss it so much."
But it was more a feeling of wanting to go back,
just to experience it again.
And it's a good problem to have
because we talked about America and the UK.
It's a good problem to have.
- Yeah, we're very lucky that we get
to kind of experience both cultures and you know,
to make our lives in this town or city that we chose,
which is really neat.
But your children are American.
- Yeah.
- Is that strange?
- Well, the other day we were watching videos of Thomas
and he is now 4 1/2, and there was a video
of when he was about two.
And I feel like his accent when he was two
was more British.
Not more British than American,
but it sounded a little bit more British.
- More British than it is?
- And then now it's American.
But I think what happens is I don't hear an American accent
when you speak, I just hear you because I'm used to it.
And it's the same with my children.
I just hear them speak and I don't really think
"Oh, you sound American."
- Sound American.
- Because I'm so used to the American accent now.
It's just normal.
It doesn't sound strange.
- So recently when we went back to the UK,
what were some things that really stood out to you?
Either when we were in the UK or when we came back here?
- It's hard to say.
I was gonna say the traffic.
I know that's not like a real big thing,
but the traffic was crazy.
- Yeah.
In the UK.
- In the UK.
But then again, we live in a smaller city.
And we spent hours, probably took us three hours
instead of an hour and half to get to the airport
in New York, so we just had New York traffic.
And there was nothing really that I can think of
that stood out.
What about you?
- Okay, so we were in the north of England in December.
We knew the weather was not gonna be great
and we were happy with that,
we just wanted to see family and friends.
But was the weather better than you remember,
worse than you remember, or about the same?
- When I was growing up, it was just what it was like.
But after having this experience here, living here,
it was really bad.
(laughs)
- There you have it, yes.
- And maybe bad isn't the right word, but it was gray.
It rained every day.
And it never got super cold,
because we had just been in Connecticut
where it was minus 20 degrees celsius.
- So cold.
- And we went back to Connecticut and it was minus 30,
it was crazy.
- So cold.
(laughs) So cold.
- And I used to think that there wasn't a big difference
between minus four and minus 10, minus 15, but there is.
- Yes, your skin just hurts.
And probably if there's anybody from Russia listening,
they're laughing at us.
But it does.
- Yeah.
But it never got that cold,
but it was just the gray atmosphere.
- It's dreary.
- Yeah, and it never gets really light.
Especially in the north.
It's not too much better in the south,
it's such a small island.
So that is definitely one thing that stood out.
- Would you want to ever go back and live in the UK?
- Yeah.
- And what motivates that?
- That's a good question.
I think just to be closer to family
and friends, old friends.
- Yes, Jack has this amazing group of friends
that he's had almost his entire life,
since they were in primary school together.
Is that right?
- Yeah, that is right, primary.
What's it called here?
- Elementary school.
- Yeah.
So yeah, friends, family.
And just to experience the culture again
after a pause, a break, moving somewhere else.
- And you mentioned food and there was something else.
But while we're on food, what food were you thinking of--
- Sauces.
- Sauces.
- Always sauces.
Salad cream.
- Salad cream, which is basically like sweet mayonnaise,
if you're familiar with that.
- Brown sauce.
- Brown sauce, like steak sauce sort of.
- Yeah, brown sauce.
- Brown sauce.
- And you can get those here but...
- Yeah, not in every grocery store.
- No, you have to find it.
- You have to really look for them.
- They're more expensive.
But I also like to experience those sauces in the UK.
Yeah.
Oh, another thing I miss.
Another thing is football.
Football, soccer football.
- You can just say soccer.
- Soccer.
(laughs)
That's another thing I miss.
And it's growing here,
but I went to a football game, soccer game, it's hard.
This is the problem I have.
I'm gonna call it football for the rest of this video.
- What?
- It gives me a license.
- Okay, that's fine.
- I went to my local football team and watched them play
and it was an incredible experience.
- And you got to bring your son.
- Yeah.
My son went for the first time.
It was great.
But it was cold and it was wet.
(laughs) It was great.
- Did you get a little choked up?
- Choked up, a little bit, yeah.
Which means emotional.
When we scored, I did a little bit, yeah.
So that was a lot of fun.
- Did you tell everybody what your hometown team is?
- I mentioned it many times.
If you're new here though or if you need a reminder,
it's Preston North End.
I'll leave a link to that Wikipedia page in the description.
- Great.
- So you can all check that out.
Yeah?
- Yeah.
It's funny the things that you miss, like sauces.
Like I missed strange little things
when we were living in Spain.
I missed peanut butter.
- Can you not get that in Spain?
- I think you can, but it's not as common.
So I missed like Reese's Pieces.
- Which you never eat.
- Which I never eat.
And Thin Mints.
Like, the things that you crave are small.
But the experience of living in a foreign country,
do you think that it changes just the way that you think
about the world?
- Yeah.
Well, it takes you out of your environment
and your comfort zone.
And it kind of resets certain things,
the way you think about the world,
which is always based on your environment
and your upbringing and your experiences.
So when you're thrown into a different country.
Thrown in, you know.
When you go to a different country.
And one thing I will say as well is as English teachers
living in Spain, people wanted to make friends with us.
Because they wanted to practice their English.
And we knew that, but it was a really good relationship.
- And I think in general when you are, you know,
somebody foreign living in a different country,
if you're open to making friends people are excited
to have that cultural exchange and to kind of talk to you
and learn more about your country and where you're from.
And I know people still do it with you.
Not as often, but they're excited.
- I think people don't want to ask me where I'm from
because they might be worried about...
This is just my theory.
About me saying "Well, I'm in America.
"What do you mean where am I from?"
- (laughs) Or that you're really Australian.
- That's it.
- Or South African or something that they don't really know.
- Yeah, half of people who guess, they guess Australian.
- Yeah.
- And, yeah.
So I feel like people are worried about making
that wrong assumption.
Like if I say "Oh, where in America are you from?"
And the person says "I'm from Canada."
- Oh yeah.
- You know?
That has happened before.
- That has happened before.
- Especially traveling, because you meet a lot of people
from English speaking countries
and you can make that mistake.
So I feel like people are worried about that
and it's difficult for them to ask the question
in a way that might be...
In a way that isn't impolite in their own head.
- Yes, yeah.
And I think that, to be honest,
that's something that comes up again and again
when you have these experiences in foreign countries.
I think that people are more worried
about other people judging them than they need to be.
You know, you go to a foreign country,
you put yourself out there, you know, and people see that
and they recognize that and they like that,
they want to help you.
- Yeah.
But then there are also the people
who immediately do a British accent.
- Oh, yes.
- And usually a bad one.
And I don't mind it in general.
- And now that we've spent some time in the UK,
(laughs) I can say that people also do
a terrible American accent.
- Yeah.
They do.
And it's just one of those things.
- Yeah.
It sounds like a cowboy crossed with a gangster.
- Can you do?
- No, no.
- (laughs) Can you give an example
of what that would sound like?
- No.
But you can imagine it.
Maybe.
- That's funny.
And if you could move to a foreign country that isn't Spain,
that isn't the UK--
- Isn't the UK?
- Yeah.
- No!
- Well, to experience another foreign culture,
which one would it be?
- How about if you could move
to any English speaking country for a while...
- No, any country.
- Okay.
- The question is any country.
That isn't Spain or the UK or America.
- Or America, okay.
- Where would you like?
- Oh, me.
- Yeah, I'm asking you a question.
- Oh, I thought that we were asking them
and I was like...
- No, no, no, no, I'm saying for you.
Like where would you like to experience?
- This is a really tricky question.
I think that I would be excited to experience
some of the European countries
where people have really good chocolate
and ride the bicycles a lot.
(laughs)
And...
- So, cause I've got something in my head
that I would choose.
- Okay, what would you choose?
- Germany.
- Okay.
Maybe Germany, maybe Denmark.
Just to be somewhere.
And also somewhere where people don't speak English
so I could have that experience
of being somebody who doesn't speak the language.
Because it's so uncomfortable at times
to not be able to express yourself,
but you learn so much.
And that's just amazing.
- And that's the lesson, isn't it?
- Yeah.
- Yeah, and if people are going
to an English speaking country,
it's so easy to find that expat community
and just stay there.
And we fell into that trap where we did too much of that
maybe in Spain.
- Maybe.
- It was difficult because we were English teachers,
so our job was to only speak in English.
- True.
- But yeah, and I think that's a great question.
Great question for them.
- Now that I tried to talk over your question from you
with one.
- It's always Kate's question.
- Okay, Kate's question!
If you could move to any English speaking country,
so we've got Canada, the United States, Australia,
I feel like we left out a lot.
- New Zealand, Ireland, the UK.
- New Zealand, Ireland, the UK.
Which country would you choose and why,
and how long would you want to live there?
- Wow, great question.
- Yeah.
- Fantastic.
Well, I hope you have enjoyed this episode
of our conversational lessons.
And again, if you are new,
like, subscribe to this channel.
We have many more conversations coming up this year.
- Yes, it's very exciting.
- And also like I said before, check the description
for lists of the key phrases and the vocabulary
that we used.
And thank you so much for watching and for being here.
Bye for now.
(upbeat music)