That's easy, it's this, right?

This is football.

Played with pads and helmets and vicious hits and sometimes scantily clad uniforms.

If you go to anywhere in America, and say the word 'football', everyone will assume

you're talking about this.

However next door in Canada – they play something that looks very similar to American

Football, but it's not.

If you ask a Canadian what football is, they'll point you out to this.

What's that I can hear?

It's the annoying sound of British haters who come out with the same tired ass joke.

Year in and year out.

Oh they don't actually kick the ball, and their ball isn't actually round.

It should be called handegg, it's handegg, hand egg, hand egg hahaha hand egg.

Firstly, that handegg joke wasn't funny in the 90's and it's still not funny now.

And secondly, they do actually kick the ball.

It's actually a really important part of the game, though people who haven't watched

a great deal of it would actually know that.

And thirdly, this is not an egg shape.

This is an egg shape.

There's a difference.

Speaking of the English, to them this is football.

The sport played where you actually have to kick the ball, like, most of the time.

Association football (that's what it's officially called) but sometimes it's called

Soccer because well, it's there, is probably the number one played and watched sport in

the world right now.

Aha, so this is real football.

Well, to most English people it is.

But there are some that believe this is football.

You might know this as Rugby Union or Rugby League, but the official title of the sport

is 'Rugby Football'.

If you don't believe me, check out the governing bodies official titles.

Yeah, Rugby is a kind of football.

It's a thing.

And they also claim that they played their game before the formation of the Football

Association.

But in general, each code of Rugby refers to themselves as 'Rugby' to differentiate

it from association football, and use the terms 'Rugby Union' and Rugby League'

to differentiate them from each other.

The Irish however, claim to have invented their version of football – a sport called

Gaelic Football way before the invention of Rugby.

Even though their pitch and posts looks suspiciously like a game across the water, and their ball

and gameplay suspiciously looks like another game across the water.

Nevertheless, the Irish claim that this is real football, and football in Ireland refers

to Gaelic Football, not Soccer.

Enter, the Australians.

Who from halfway across the world also claim to have invented their version of football,

independently of the Irish, and claim that their game preceded theirs.

Even though one of their founders was (quite suspiciously) a former Rugby player.

Hmmm, well it's a bone of contention that's disputed amongst historians – but football

in Australia generally refers to Aussie Rules Football, not soccer.

So is there a game that's indisputably older than these?

Yes there is, and it's by the Italians.

To some Italians this is football.

Calcio Storico, translated as 'historic football' was the original version of football

before the invention of soccer.

It's based on an old Roman game called Harpastum and in general, it's one part football,

90 parts beating the shit out of each other.

This game is violent and historically Popes were allowed to play this game … armed with

swords!

A freaking sword, are you serious?!

Being stabbed to death by the holiest man on earth in the name of sport, is a really

bad deal.

Okay, violent popes aside, what's actually the oldest form of football?

Well, if you're asking the question 'who invented the first game that involves kicking

a ball' it's actually the Chinese.

Yes, they played a similar sport over 2000 years ago, where they had to kick balls in

order to score goals.

This was mainly played during festivals and celebrations.

Even FIFA (the corrupt worldwide governing body of Association Football) acknowledges

on their own website, that it was the Chinese that are the first to play any variation of

the sport of football.

So … this is football?

Yes, obviously.

Come on now, seriously?

Well, to ascertain what football is, I've come up with a simple dictionary style definition.

Any form of team game involving kicking (and in some cases handling) a ball, which may

or may not be completely spherical, that is the most popular form of the game in the country

that it is played in.

So by that definition, in the US – it's this game.

In Canada, it's this, in some parts of the world, it's this or this.

In Ireland this is football, in Australia that's football.

In Italy, that's football … kind of, in China – that was originally football.

And in many countries in the world, this is football.

One word, several sports, all football.

………… Hang on wise guy, what do you think football

is?

It's this … obviously.

Ninh Ly – www.ninh.co.uk - @NinhLyUK