Can you believe it's April?

[APPLAUSE]

00:00:04,810 --> 00:00:05,859 Spring break is here.

People are going crazy.

They're drunk-dancing on tables, getting piercings in places

that only a doctor should see.

If you're getting a piercing where you can only see it

with a handheld mirror, I think that you're drinking too much,

I think.

People usually come back from spring break with two things--

a sunburn and a hangover.

And I think I know why.

Because the swimsuits are getting smaller and the drinks

are getting bigger.

The way drinking has evolved is crazy.

I want to show you what has happened.

In the beginning, people drank out of this, out of a goblet.

And you would drink one glass of wine.

And then you'd get a little buzzed and a little dizzy,

but not from alcohol, from the lead poisoning, really.

These would sometimes lead to wet corset contests.

00:00:55,710 --> 00:00:56,210 [APPLAUSE]

I-- I almost didn't do it.

I didn't think it was good.

I did it anyway.

All right.

Then they invented this.

This is a shot glass.

And it was so you could get all the alcohol without any

of that annoying juice.

And I like it because it's efficient.

And it does the job of a regular-sized drink

but in half the time.

[APPLAUSE]

00:01:20,100 --> 00:01:20,850 Now I'm buzzed.

All right.

And from there, things got completely out of control.

This-- you know, I thought this was a joke this morning

when I saw it.

But apparently it's not a joke.

[APPLAUSE]

00:01:35,440 --> 00:01:37,060 How many people have seen this before?

[APPLAUSE]

00:01:41,160 --> 00:01:44,340 I don't know where y'all go, but I don't have--

it's called a fishbowl cocktail.

And you know the old saying, drink like a fish?

Now you literally can drink like a fish.

This has vodka, rum, tequila, pineapple juice, coconut juice,

lemon.

It's a mix of everything except good decisions.

All right.

Then someone invented this.

And it's called a beer tower.

And this is great if you want to throw

a bachelor party for your friend and a going away party

for your liver.

And I know what you're thinking.

That's nice, but I don't drink beer.

Well-- [LAUGHS] oh, god--

then there's this.

[APPLAUSE]

So this is a--

00:02:37,916 --> 00:02:39,430 this is a yardstick.

It has a strap.

And you can walk around and show everyone your drinking problem.

You can just--

[APPLAUSE]

00:02:48,080 --> 00:02:48,580 All right.

Then, finally, if you need more alcohol, this is a Bongzilla.

[APPLAUSE]

00:03:05,180 --> 00:03:07,850 Nothing good has ever come after the sentence, want to try

my Bongzilla?

All right.

I'm going to show you how this works.

I don't drink beer.

So I'm going to pour my favorite tequila--

Casa Dragones tequila.

There it is.

And so what happens?

00:03:21,250 --> 00:03:23,225 How much-- does that whole bottle fit in there?

Mhm.

(SARCASTICALLY) Uh-huh.

00:03:28,850 --> 00:03:30,453 All right.

And then-- Zenor, I don't want to do it.

You do it.

OK.

00:03:36,660 --> 00:03:37,160 Wow!

[APPLAUSE]

00:03:46,160 --> 00:03:48,010 It's amazing.