I am going to bed. Good night.

Uh, well...

Is everything okay?

Well, It's uh... It's—it's just that I was hoping that...

Well, that we could...

And I-I wanna make this clear.

I-I-I wanna be straightforward. I want to have a...

Okay. Uh, Luther? Are you available to translate?

Yes, ma'am.

I really was hoping we could spend some time together.

When was the last time we had sex, woman? Re-election night?

What does a brother not named "Bill Clinton" have to do to get some [bleep] in this house?

Well, you have been very busy lately.

You know what? If I could ju—can we get your translator? - Oh, yes, certainly. Uh, Catendra?

Yeah, honey?

Could you please translate: "Well, you have been very busy lately."

Sure.

My [bleep] ain't one of your limousines that you can jump in and out of whenever you feel like.

I don't see you all day, then you want a booty call?

I need an emotional connection, [bleep].

Thought this was, uh, romantic.

I'm [bleep]in' tryin', bitch! Can't you see?

I'm playin' the romantic music, I got the pinot in the glasses....

What more do you want from me? An engraved invitation from my nuts?

Maybe we should make a date.

What am I supposed to do? Jump out of my clothes every time Little Barry stands at attention?

You ain't my commander-in-chief, mother-[bleep], and my vagina ain't some cave in the Middle East you can fly your heat-seeking missile into whenever you feel like it.

Well, I... I didn't mean to call you, but I-I had meetings all day long.

I'm dealing with these mother-[bleep] Republicans, hearing "No, no, no" all day long.

Then I come home, and you ain't gonna let me get my jam on up in here?

Well, you know, I have had a busy day too.

You act like I ain't got nothing else to do, [bleep].

I got these obese mother-[bleep] on my ass 24/7.

What's more important—you getting your wick dipped, or some eight-year-old fat-ass collapsing in his bunk bed?

Okay.

You seem to be forgetting job number one.

You are my secretary of [bleep], bitch! Get to work!

You.

Luther? Catendra?

Oh, yes, yes, sir.

We'll—we'll take it from here.

Absolutely—yes, sir. - Yes, ma'am.

Thank you. - Good night. Good night, ma'am.

Come here.

Oh, this feels good.

Um, mom? Dad?

I know you already said that I can't go, but can I please go to the party tonight?

Malia, use your translator.

If you don't let me go to this party, I will get a tattoo on my face.

Have fun.

[IN A WORLD...]

I'm here with Ozamataz Buckshank, the rookie of the Sandford University.

[WHERE COMEDY IS KING...]

That's the one...

Welcome to... Cunnilingus Class!

[NO HERO IS SACRED...]

And the racist-ass Mel Gibsons. - I know, I know.

Pretty much, Stimpy.

Now hold on a second!

Mr. T!?

WHO? (Who was slapping around your little homey?)

[WATCH KEY & PEELE NEXT WEEK]

[CATCH ALL THAT?]

Oh, god damn!

Forget about the telephone. I need to speak from my heart.

Shut the f*ck up!

But folks, I'm sorry, gonna get everybody tonight. I'm gonna get... nobody is safe.

Who is next?

Do me!

YO.

Racist-ass Mel Gibson is still kind of my sh*t.