it was time to begin the third Democratic presidential debate.

And while most of the candidates used their opening statement

to pitch their version of America,

Kamala Harris decided to fast-forward straight

to her debate with Trump.

First, I have a few words for Donald Trump,

who we all know is watching.

So, President Trump,

you've spent the last two and a half years

full-time trying to sow hate and division among us as--

and that is why we've gotten nothing done.

And now, President Trump, you can go back

to watching Fox News.

(cheering and applause)

Ooh, Kamala, coming with the fire.

You hear the crowd? Hear how happy they were?

You know Trump is pissed off wherever he is right now, right?

Yeah, he's probably shouting at the TV.

"Joke's on you!

I got picture-in-picture!"

He was super furious. He's like, "You know what?

"Actually, you're fired again, Omarosa.

I'm done with you!"

So, Kamala Harris used her opening remarks

to go directly at Donald Trump.

But Andrew Yang... Andrew Yang went with a different approach.

He just went with cold, hard cash.

It's time to trust ourselves more than our politicians.

That's why I'm going to do something unprecedented tonight.

My campaign will now give a Freedom Dividend

of $1,000 a month for an entire year to ten American families,

someone watching this at home right now.

If you believe that you can solve your own problems better

than any politician, go to yang2020.com

and tell us how $1,000 a month will help you do just that.

This is how we will get our country working

for us again, the American people.

Oh, look at Asian Oprah over here!

Just giving everybody money?

Yeah. And clearly, Yang's not willing to wait

for the presidency to enact his policies.

He's just gonna do them now.

Uh, and I mean it was a cool moment, but I'm glad

none of the other candidates went with this approach.

Can you imagine if Bernie was like,

"And I... Okay, I will do my health care,

"free health care right now! Drop your pants!

"Everyone's getting a prostate exam!

"You getting an exam! You getting an exam!

Everyone's getting an exam!"

Speaking of free health care,

I hope Bernie has a voice doctor,

because something was definitely off with his throat.

(with a hoarse voice): This country is moving

into an oligarchic form of society

where a handful of billionaires control the economic

and political life of this country.

No! Bernie!

What happened to your voice?

Sounds all raspy and scratched up.

It sounded like someone gave Bernie a comb, and they're like,

"Sir, I think this could help," and then he swallowed it.

(laughter)

Yeah, I'm sorry, but I miss his voice.

Bernie with a diminished voice is just not the same, man.

It's like Luke Skywalker, but with a butter knife, you know?

Or O.J. with a butter knife.

(laughter)

And I'm not the only one who missed Bernie's voice.

I bet he did, too, because the most contentious topic

at tonight's debate was Bernie's Medicare for All plan,

specifically whether it's a good idea

to replace all private health insurance

with a government-run insurance plan.

When it comes to our health care

and when it comes to our premiums,

I go with the doctor's creed, which is, "Do no harm."

And while Bernie wrote the bill, I read the bill,

-and on page eight... -(audience clamoring)

On page of the bill, it says

that we will no longer have private insurance as we know it.

The problem, Senator Sanders,

with that damn bill that you wrote,

and that Senator Warren backs,

is that it doesn't trust the American people.

I trust the American people to make the right choice for them.

Why don't you?

Yeah, Bernie, why don't you trust the American people?

And Bernie's probably thinking, "I'll tell you why.

"Because one in five Americans believes in Bigfoot.

"That's why. You want those people deciding health care?

That shit is crazy!"

And while Buttigieg and Klobuchar were going

after Bernie's health care proposals,

Julián Castro decided that this was the perfect moment

to try and take down the king.

The option I'm proposing is a Medicare for All in...

Medicare for choice.

If you want Medicare...

If you lose the job from your insurance comp...

from your employer, you automatically can buy into this.

The difference between what I support

and what you support, Vice President Biden,

is that you require them to opt in.

And I would not require them to opt in.

They would automatically be enrolled.

They wouldn't have to buy in.

They do not have to buy in.

-You just said that. -No.

You just said that two minutes ago.

They do not have to buy in if they can't afford it.

You just said two minutes ago that they would have to buy in.

You said they would have to buy in.

Your grandmother would not have to buy in. If she qualifies

for Medicaid, she'd automatically be in for it.

Are you forgetting what you said two minutes ago?

-(audience groaning) -Are you forgetting already

what you said just two minutes ago?

Damn! Castro took it there!

No, because he knows Biden's battling the narrative

that he's a forgetful old man.

Yeah, so he jumped on this opportunity

to make Biden look old.

"Are you forgetting what you just said?

Are you forget...?"

And it didn't help that Biden seemed confused.

'Cause he couldn't hear, right, so he couldn't come back.

So then Biden was like, "What did you just say to me?!

"No, really. What did you just say?

I forgot. What did you just say?"

So that was health care.

The next topic of the debate was criminal justice reform,

right, which was one part of the debate

that had all the Democrats pretty much on the same page.

Uh, they all agreed on reduced sentences,

uh, the need to fight racial bias

and that snitches should get stitches.

So, it wasn't the most exciting topic,

but things did get tense

when the moderator shanked Kamala in the yard.

Also a concern for people of color

is criminal justice reform.

Senator Harris, you released your plan for that

just this week, and it does contradict

some of your prior positions.

Among them, you used to oppose the legalization

of marijuana. Now you don't.

You used to oppose outside investigations

of police shootings. Now you don't.

You've said that you changed on these and other things

because you were, "Swimming against the current,

and thankfully, the currents have changed."

But when you had the power,

why didn't you try to affect change then?

(applause)

Ouch.

I didn't believe in black-on-black crime until now.

(laughter)

'Cause that question was hard-core.

In fact, it was less of a question

and more of just, like, a public shaming.

And Kamala was clearly not impressed.

I mean, that's the face you make

when someone walks into the middle of a staff meeting

and just starts reading your browser history.

It's just like, "penispumps.com.

"hamsterporn.net,

Myspace..." You're like, "Take that back!

-I was never on Myspace!" -(laughter)

I mean, just look at Kamala's face.

You can see she was like, "I don't lock anyone up anymore,

but I'm willing to make an exception tonight."

And another topic, another topic that had Democrats, uh,

on the same page was the need for stronger gun control laws.

But one candidate stood out amongst the rest.

You said, "Americans who own AR-15s and AK-47s

will have to sell them to the government, all of them."

You know the critics call this confiscation.

Are you proposing taking away their guns,

and how would this work?

I am, if it's a weapon that was designed to kill people

-(cheering) -on a battlefield.

Hell yes, we're gonna take your AR-15, your AK-47.

-(cheering) -We're not gonna allow it to be used

against fellow Americans anymore.

That is a ballsy statement from Beto O'Rourke.

'Cause I don't think any other candidate has said flat-out

they're gonna confiscate guns.

And he said it with such confidence as well,

which is not the way I would talk about taking away

assault rifles from people who like to shoot.

(laughter)

Yeah. If I was gonna take someone's AR-15,

I'd be a lot more sneaky about it.

Be like, "Trevor, are you here to take my rifle?"

I'd be like, "Oh, no, no. No, no, no.

"We're just here in the neighborhood, you know.

"Just hanging out. Just, like... Oh, what's that?

-Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha!" -(laughter)

So, that was guns.

Next up came immigration.

All right? The candidates told the audience

how they planned to undo the policies enacted by Trump.

No more kids in cages. Increase legal immigration.

Uh, give everyone free ladders to climb over the wall.

But when it came to Joe Biden,

the moderator was more interested in hearing

his opinions on President Obama's policies.

You served as vice president in an administration

that deported three million people,

the most ever in U.S. history.

Are-are... are you prepared to say tonight

that you and President Obama

made a mistake about deportations?

Why should Latinos trust you?

This is a president who came along with the DACA program.

No one had ever done that before.

This is a president who sent legislation to the desk

saying he wants to find a pathway

for the 11 million undocumented in the United States of America.

Yeah, but you didn't answer the question.

Well, yeah, I did answer the question.

No, did you make a mistake with those deportations?

The president did the best thing that was able to be done

-at the time. -How about you?

I'm the vice president of the United States.

Oh. That was not a good look for Biden.

Because... This always happens, right?

When Obama is being praised,

Biden jumps into the picture with him

But then when Obama is being criticized,

Biden's like, "Look, man, I was the vice president.

"I didn't do shit. Vice president doesn't do shit.

"Yeah. They don't even give you the keys to the White House.

You have to wait for someone to come unlock it for you."

But, like, you can't take all the credit

and avoid all of the blame, right?

It would be like if people all of sudden came to Robin,

and they were like, "Batman is a deranged vigilante

"destroying Gotham with his rocket-launching cars.

He's a bad man!" And Robin's like,

"Hey, man, I'm just the sidekick.

"Like, do you see Robin signals in the sky? No, no.

"It's not the Robin-mobile. We don't have a Robin-cave.

Yeah, yeah. By the way, I'm underage."

This is actually creepy when you think about it.