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  • Oh, sweet God. What fresh hell is this?

  • Hello. Hello.

  • Konnichiwa. Nice to see you.

  • Hello. My name is Chimu.

  • Chimu? Nice to meet you. Nice to meet you too, Chimu.

  • I'm Sue.

  • Nice to see you.

  • CHIMU RINGS A BELL

  • Am I tri... I'm tripping, right?

  • This is a maid cafe, another uniquely Japanese phenomenon.

  • This is the place to come if life becomes a bit too...adult.

  • Shake-shake.

  • You hungry?

  • No, I've lost my appetite, but I might have some tea. Tea?

  • Thank you.

  • Genuinely, I don't think I felt more uncomfortable in my entire life,

  • than I have done just them.

  • Chimu, who's obviously probably around about 20,

  • is dressed like a 12-year-old,

  • is speaking with a voice that's sort of like the Chipmunks on helium

  • and is giving me a card saying, "Welcome back, Princess.

  • "Welcome home, Princess"

  • and some information for masters and princesses.

  • Despite my obvious discomfort at

  • being shouted at by a 30-year-old baby,

  • I'm starting to notice a connection here.

  • The ritualised behaviour, the male clientele, the dressing up

  • and silly games.

  • It feels like a modern iteration of the geisha, blasted 300 years

  • into the future, dressed in pink

  • and dropped into a cafe in downtown Tokyo.

  • What do Japanese men want?

  • They can't want this, they can't want this in a woman.

  • They can't think that is a woman.

  • They can't think that that's...

  • Why any Japanese man would want a woman to be like this?

  • Why there has to be a master, why women are princesses?

  • Why are there bells ringing?

  • I'd better go cos I've got a game of Hungry Hippos in five minutes.

  • Oh, thank you very much. Thank you. Thank you.

  • OK. Just a moment, please.

  • OK. These drinks, mua, mua, delicious magic.

  • That's magic?

  • Yes. Ready? Yes. Three, two, one.

  • Mua, mua, ooh!

  • Oh, I get it.

  • That's...

  • OK, delicious.

  • Great. That's helped it.

  • Thank you, Chimu.

  • Very, very delicious. Mua. Mua. Thank you. Thank you.

  • Yep, stone-cold now, totally stone-cold.

  • Oh, God. There's more of them, they're multiplying.

  • There's about 200 of these strange places dotted across Japan.

  • Can I ask you how often you come here?

  • What do you get out of this place?

  • What is it you love about the maids?

  • Does it feel like an escape?

  • Would you be able to talk to a girl in the street the way you talk

  • to the maid?

  • This place is a way for shy, nervous men to meet women in an environment

  • where the relationship is incredibly coded.

  • There's boundaries that are set.

  • There is master and servant.

  • And when those parameters are in place,

  • those guys don't have to deal with the thing they fear most -

  • all the messy, awful weird stuff that goes along with intimacy.

Oh, sweet God. What fresh hell is this?

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