I grew up hearing that a lot.

Bad or like the enemy.

If I were to be fat then I would feel less about myself.

I feel like my entire life I've been running away from fat.

The word fat is very hurtful.

You can call anybody fat if you want to, and it doesn't feel good on the inside.

Uh, disgusting.

I kind of associate weight gain or high BMI with just being lazy and not caring.

And I associated skinniness with being happy, and I associated being bigger with being unhappy.

Which is also bullshit because you're super unhappy when you have an eating disorder.

Me.

That's pretty much what I've been all my life.

Afraid.

With bulimia it's really hard because the thing I fear most is being fat.

I think of like, body shaming.

Fat on me feels like a failure.

I don't feel that way about other people, and I'm sure that's not how other people feel.

Failure, unlovable.

I guess now after I've been recovered for a little bit, I see fat as, it's not so negative anymore.

There are lots of good fats, and I don't think fat on your body is a bad thing.

And I don't think fat in your food means fat on your body, but it's been used as hate speech.

Fat can be a hateful word.

It can destroy some people.

But in some ways fat can be good.

And depending on how you image yourself, your fat can actually be great.

I see a lot of mothers with their daughters say, "don't eat that or else you're gonna get fat."

It's like, is that really the one thing that you don't want your daughter to be?

Labeled.

One's self worth is wrapped around a label.

It starts when you're young by the people that are around you.

And you can keep that label, and you can fight changing that label your entire life.