To join us for this Holiday meal.

Remember,

These savages are our friends.

We must not be surprised by any of their strange customs.

After all,

They have not had our advantages.

Such as... fine schools...

Libraries full of books!

Shampoo!

Wednesday: How!

I am Pochontas, a Chippewa Maiden.

Don: An Indian.

Ellen: 'nough said.

Joel: And I am Running Bear, betrothed to Pocahontas.

... in the play.

Ms. Glicker: Twenty Grand for Summer Camp, he's Mr. Woo Woo.

Wednesday: We have brought a special gift for this Holiday Feast.

Pugsley: I am a turkey!

Kill me!

Amanda: *badly acting* What a thoughtful gift!

Why, you ARE as civilized as we!

Except we wear shoes and have last names.

Welcome to our table, our new primitive friends!

Wednesday: Thank you, Sarah Miller!

You are the most beautiful person I've ever seen!

Your hair is the color of the sun, your skin is like fresh milk.

And everyone loves you!

Amanda: *badly acting* Stop!

Sit.

Wednesday: Wait.

Amanda: *confused* What?

Wednesday: We cannot break bread with you.

Amanda: Huh?

Becky, what's going on?

Becky: Wednesday!

Wednesday: You have taken the land which is rightfully ours.

Years from now, my people will be forced to live in mobile homes, on reservations.

Your people will wear cardigans, and drink highballs.

We will sell our bracelets by the roadside.

You will play golf, and enjoy hot hors d'oeuvres.

My people will have pain and degradation.

Your people will have stick shifts.

The gods of my tribe have spoken!

They have said, "Do not trust the pilgrims!

Especially Sarah Miller."

Amanda: Gary, she's changing the words!

Wednesday: And for all these reasons,

I have decided to scalp you.

And burn your village to the ground.

*screaming*

Gary and Becky: Children, stop it!

Gary: You're destroying my text!

*screaming*

Mr. Glicker: He's not a team player.

Ms. Glicker: He's a special child, but he needs friends.

Mr. Glicker: He needs friends like this?

*screaming*

*thud*

*screaming*

*Becky and Gary gasp*

*screaming*

*screaming*

Gary: Uh, I beg your pardon?

*Amanda screaming*

Ellen: Do something!

*screaming*

*muffled screaming*

*muffled screaming*

*music shifts to "The Addams Family" theme*

*screams*

*muffled screaming at Wednesday*