thinking about how difficult it is for

us to find and to to maintain the love

that we all yearn for and it kind of

dawned on me that I think a big part of

the problem is that we miss define love

it's possible that no other one subject

has been more analyzed talked about and

experienced by every single person on

this planet than love and yet we really

have no clue what it is the me and Jada

was reflected about you cannot make a

person happy you can make a person smile

you can make a person feel good you can

make a person laugh but whether or not a

person is happy is deeply and totally

and utterly out of your control the

thing that we call love the thing that

we're searching for and we're trying to

create that we call love is actually not

love

J Krishnamurti talked about the the

concept of the desire pleasure paradigm

that we think about love in terms of

desire and pleasure meaning that if you

meet my needs then I love you if you

don't then I don't so that love becomes

transactional if you do what I want if

you meet my desire and give me pleasure

I love you if you don't meet my desire

and you don't give me pleasure I don't

love you I think that that is the

insatiable nature of desire trying to

get somebody to fill our cup

I think that that leads to to anger and

it leads to frustration and ultimately

it makes us break apart from people

my daughter Willow really taught me a

hard lesson I think that the real

paradigm for love is Gardner flour so

the relationship that a gardener has

with a flower is the the gardener wants

to flower to be what the flower is

designed to be not what the gardener

wants the flower to be you want the

flower to bloom and to blossom and to

become what it wants to be you want it

to become what God designed it to be

you're not demanding that it become what

you need it to be for your ego anything

other than all of your gifts wide open

giving and nourishing this flower into

their greatness is not love

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I came up with it with a thing that I

that has been really helpful to me love

is spelled l u v listen understand and

validate what you hear as true listening

is a magnificent superpower a really

deep listening and we can't listen if we

got something that we want to say

listening is a connective energy

learning how to quiet your own mind and

quiet your own thoughts and quiet your

own needs and desires and listen to what

the other person is saying you is

understand that you have to truly

understand what the person is saying to

you there is nothing that feels better

to a human being than to feel understood

the mission is to thoroughly and

completely understand what the person is

saying and what has been helpful for me

is to repeat back what the person has

said to you and then the V is validate

the things that you recognize as true in

what they say validate them as true yes

I get it

I understand that I see that got it so

the validation is a huge part of

creating a loving environment with a

person l UV listen understand validate

at its core a think love is help

everybody is having a hard time so love

is really devotion to their struggle

it's when you're committed to helping

somebody with their life helping them to

suffer less you know helping them to

manage their minds and their emotions I

think love is a deep desire for our

loved ones growth and their blossoming

and their all-around well-being when you

love somebody you want them to feel good

you want them to be happy and you want

to see them succeed in life and love

really demands an in-depth understanding

of their hopes and their dreams and

their fears their needs and trauma I

think love is giving and sharing our

gifts for the purpose of nurturing

empowering them and helping them to

create their greatest joys

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