(upbeat music)

Hello, there.

- Is today tomorrow New Zealand?

- Yes.

- Foot same length Europe?

- What?

- Inch same length Europe.

- Gmail.com.

- Oh, god.

- What is bitcoin?

- Butt hole! (laughs)

Gross fat butt hole dick poop.

- Is that what kids are into these days?

(boy giggling)

Are your parents home?

- Miss Pippi.

- You mean Mississippi?

Hey, I'm not a dictionary.

- My grandson Nathan.

- Song that goes

♪ Meow, meow, meow, meow ♪

♪ Meow, meow, meow, meow ♪

♪ Meow, meow, meow, meow ♪

♪ Meow, meow, meow, meow ♪

♪ Meow, meow, meow, meow ♪

- Girls' college.

- Oh, um.

- Sort of right, college girls.

Nude.

(Google sighs)

- Really?

- Patrick Cassels.

Pat Cassels.

Pat Cassels, funny.

- Bitcoin market value.

- Weed amount legal NYC.

- Patrick Cassels, funny writer, CollegeHumor.

- Are you gonna do this all day?

- What is prime meridian?

- Heg hog cute!

- Do you mean hedgehog?

- Heg hog cute!

- God, do you mean hedge--

- Hedgehogs cute!

- Adderall, max dose.

- Yeah.

- Adderall, max dose, 165-pound man?

- Okay.

- Adderall, max dose, 165-pound man, 20 years old?

Adderall overdose signs!

- Download Firefox.

- Ever heard of Chrome?

- How to buy bitcoin?

- Titanic drawing.

- "Titanic" movie drawing.

- Um.

- "Titanic" movie drawing scene.

Kate Winslet tits.

Round two.

- Facebook.com, my grandson Nathan.

- No.

- Dexter based on real?

- Free hamster.

- Unbuy bitcoin.

- Boston bomber.

- It's a real tragedy.

- Cute one.

- Oh fucking shit!

Next!

I said next!

(upbeat music)

- Why am I a length?

- Okay.

- Cream cheese is cheese?

- Wait, do you still wanna know--

- Avocado pit huge, why?

- Okay, don't speak in these weird haikus.

- How to tell if pregnant?

- Oh boy.

- How to tell if-- - Tell if pregnant?

- Jennifer!

- Local mosque Seattle.

- NSA, don't mind me.

- How to pronounce dough ga coin.

- According to Google Maps,

there's a number-- - Security.

- Can you please? - Not blackmail.

- Just.

- Oh, 'scuse me.

- Oh no, no, come on in.

Today is Jackson Pollock's birthday, so we're, uh,

celebrating his particular style of painting.

- Why farts smell?

- One of the most important painters

of all time and you wanna know

why farts smell, so there you go.

- Flight to Washington.

- Bank transfer all money to Dogecoin how?

- Okay, Glass. (Google snickers)

Search avoid being bullied for wearing Google Glass.

(Google laughing)

- Flight to Washington state.

- I knew you made that mistake.

- F, F, F, F, F, F, F, F.

- I think your F key is stuck! F, F, F, F,

F, F, F, F, F, F, F.

- Why longitude shaped like a orange slice?

- [Man In T-Shirt] You're so wrong, dumb ass!

- We'll see.

Groundhogs Day or Groundhog Day?

- Groundhog Day.

- Oh!

Haircut place, bowl cut.

- Terror pictures.

- Oh, uh.

- Oh, sorry, terrier pictures.

- Oh. (laughs)

Okay.

(woman squeals)

(woman laughs) Hey man,

let me do my job, all right?

- Fuck you!

- Can sue for screen door injured?

- Where to buy pet Russian dolphin?

- Why do my farts smell?

- Tent.

- Doing a little camping, huh?

- Tentacle hentai.

- Oh, come on!

(uplifting music)

- Open for business, everyone!

Come on in, it's awesome in here.

Soon, they'll come soon. (chuckles)

- Next!

Next, come on!

(upbeat music)

- What up, Google?

- [Google] Oh, god.

- Eclectic outlets look surprised, why?

- Because--

- Millipedes 10 times faster than centipedes?

Baby powder made out of babies?

- You know that it's not.

Well, hello there young man.

- Big booty Puerto Rican goddess.

(Google inhales)

- Taxes have to pay why?

- What is YOLO?

- Is that your kid's phone?

- Is YOLO a drug?

- Siri, how big is the Serengeti?

- Yeah, I, I should just-- - No problem.

Show me pictures of spaghetti.

- No, that's not what she asked for.

Your search for (speaking gibberish)

returned no results.

(cat meows)

- Vaccines cause autism.

- Well, I have one million results

that say they don't and one result that says they do.

- I knew it.

- Just because I have it doesn't mean it's true!

- 300 pound beautiful Indian princess.

- What's a surf boar?

- Do you mean surfboard?

- No, surf boar.

- Oh.

- Do dead people pay taxes?

- How do I get to the deep web?

- Follow me. (lights crackling)

- Google?

- You're here.

- Google.com.

- That is me.

- Google.com website.

- Heh?

- Finally.

- How make people think you die?

- Sonic the Hedgehog pics.

- The old Sega video game?

- Safe search off.

- Oh, what have you done?

- How big is the Serengeti? - More pictures

of spaghetti. - How big is the Serengeti?

- How big is the Serengeti? - More pictures

of spaghetti. - That is not

what she asked for! - How big is the Serengeti?

- That is not what

she asked for! - How big is the Serengeti!

- Why do Asian--

- Have small noses, wear face mask,

have small eyes, have small penises--

- Pandas have trouble mating in captivity?

Jesus.

- It's not me, it's them.

- Where to buy lifelike bearded mannequin?

- Sorry, I don't see spaghetti

in your contacts. (Google yelling gibberish)

- Biggest, sexiest woman in all of Iraq.

- Difference between human body and a mannequin.

- Oh, my god.

Clear history.

(flame hissing)

- All right, Sugar Ray, ironically cool yet?

- I'm sorry. (chuckles)

- Bummer.

Big booty Puerto Rican goddess.

- Hi.

(upbeat music)

Just gotta send an email,

then I'll be right with you, okay?

Oh, you again.

- Is hula hoop a sport?

- Uh, I don't think--

- Can owls walk?

- Can owls walk?

- Is Dilbert Jewish?

- Recipe using only crackers.

- Facebook.

- (sighs) Lazy.

- Direction to downtown.

- Well, it's gonna be 35 minutes unless you use ways.

- Get off the highway, now, now, now!

- Selena Gomez-- - Gomez feet.

- Taylor Swift-- - Swift feet.

- Katy Perry-- - Perry feet.

- What is wrong with people?

- What happens if plant sesame seed?

- Oriental rug politically correct?

- How to become astronaut?

- Bad news.

- Mm, how to work for NASA.

- Sorry.

- Hmm, planetarium jobs?

- Nope.

- Planetarium volunteers?

- Mm-mm.

- (sighs) Help wanted laser tag.

- Now we're talking.

- Dad from "The Nanny" dead?

- Now cut across four lanes of traffic!

- Mayonnaise as butter substitute.

(Google gags)

- Facebook.

- You know, you could just. (sighs)

- Google Wave, what happened?

- We killed it.

- Google Glass, what happened?

- We killed it.

- Google car--

- Oh, oh, oh, oh no, that, that, that, that,

this is gonna be amazing actually.

- Okay to drink expired milk?

- No! - What happens

if drank expired milk?

- Oh, my god, why did you ask me in the first place?

- Paul Walker car crash.

- Really sad.

- Pics.

- Red light cameras everywhere.

- You're freaking him out.

- Racist if only like California rolls?

- Age of consent, California.

- Facebook.

- It is right there!

You could just!

Stupid.

(grunts) That is it for the day.

Mm.

- Google's down! - Down!

(sirens blaring)

- Dad from "The Nanny."

- Dead?

- Seriously?

(upbeat music)

- Oh, god.

Hey, let's go!

(Google whistles)

- Ha, let's do this!

- Oh, not again.

- Can you keep a duck?

What are the newest shapes?

- What are you gonna do with this information?

- Is Superman circumcised?

- Are dentists more afraid of you?

- No, in fact this one killed a lion.

- Hot hands and feet.

- Is this salt or sugar?

- Is what salt or sugar?

- Sistine Chapel, how old Michelangelo?

- 33.

- Moon landing, how old Neil Armstrong?

- 38.

- Became President, how old Barack Obama?

- 47.

- Still got three years!

- Upload these photos of my nephew.

- You know, you might consider uploading these

to Google+, it's a lot like Facebook meets Google.

It's really starting to take off.