This elephant has incredible strength.

牠只用象鼻就能把樹連根拔起。

She can uproot a tree with her trunk alone.

但牠卻仍然被一條細繩給囚禁著。

Yet she will remain in captivity, held by only a light rope.

儘管牠有能力可以輕易 掙脫，牠卻試也不試。

Despite her ability to easily break away, she doesn't even try.

為什麼？

Why?

這要從牠年輕時說起。

It starts when she is young.

牠很小時就被綁住，

She is first tied down when she is small

當時的力氣還不足以扯斷繩子。

and not yet strong enough to break the rope.

一開始牠會嘗試，盡力去掙脫，

She'll try at first, try as hard as she can to break free,

一試再試，

and try and try,

最終，牠了解到自己辦不到。

but eventually realize she can't.

突然間，某種比繩子、 鐵鏈、柵欄都還要強的

Suddenly, something attaches itself to her

東西跟牠緊繫在一起了。

that is stronger than any rope or chain or fence.

就是相信自己無法掙脫的執念。

It's the belief that she can't break free.

是這種執念限制了牠——

It's this belief that holds her back -

儘管牠有能力。

despite her ability.

我也有類似的執念——

I've had these same beliefs -

你們可能也有——

you may have too -

這些執念限制了我，

beliefs that held me back,

這些執念讓我在工作上不得志，

beliefs that led me to feel unfulfilled in my work,

在人際關係中掙扎，

to struggle in my relationships

且過著和現在相去甚遠的生活。

and to live a life that was far from the one I am living now.

直到我意識到束縛我的那些繩子，

It was only when I became aware of my ropes

並主動去對抗它們，

and actively pulled against them

我才發現了一個不同的現實。

that I found myself in a different reality.

你要如何掙脫綁住你的繩子？

How do you break the ropes that tie you down?

別盡信你所有的想法。

Don't believe everything you think.

我六歲時，我最愛的褓姆是安柏。

When I was six years old, I had a favorite baby sitter, Amber.

有一天早上，我母親告訴我， 我們不能再讓她當褓姆了，

One morning, my mother told me we couldn't have her babysit

因為我母親沒有足夠的錢請她。

because she didn't have enough money to pay her.

那天下午，我成立了我的第一間公司。

So that afternoon, I started my first company.

我從住家附近收集石頭， 用我的彩色筆做彩繪，

I gathered rocks from around the neighborhood,

接著，挨家挨戶拜訪， 將它們銷售給鄰居。

painted them with my art set,

那晚，我如願和安柏一起坐在沙發上。

and went door to door, selling them to our neighbors.

我小時候很大膽、外向、無懼。

That night, it was Amber and I on the couch together.

我想穿什麼就穿什麼，

When I was young, I was bold, outgoing and fearless.

（笑聲）

I wore what I wanted

或者不想穿上任何衣服，

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

or didn't want to wear,

聽從內心的聲音去做讓自己快樂的事。

(Laughter)

我也戀愛了。

guided by my own voice that told me what would make me happy.

他的名字叫佛南多，

I was also in love.

他很棒。

His name was Fernando, and he was wonderful.

外向大膽如故， 我不怕用雙手摟抱他。

As with everything else, I wasn't afraid to grab him with both hands.

（笑聲）

(Laughter)

隨著我長大，這個畫面開始淡去。

As I grew older, this picture started to fade.

我的熱情活力被膽怯取代，

My exuberance was replaced with timidness,

我的領導能力被順從取代，

my leadership with conformity,

我的大膽被恐懼取代。

my boldness with fear.

儘管我們父母出於善意，

I don't think any of us leave childhood without some ropes

我想大家或多或少都還是 帶著一些繩子長大。

despite our parents' best intentions.

成長過程中，母親決心要給我 一個完美的人生。

I grew up with a mother who was determined to give me the perfect life.

帶著愛和好意，

Armed with love and good intentions,

她為了幫我達到完美， 什麼都做了。

she did everything for me to help me be perfect.

為了學校旅行， 我打包了一個行李箱，

I'd pack a suitcase to go on a school trip,

而她會把東西都拿出來， 再重新打包得更完美。

and she'd unpack it and repack it in a more perfect way.

我準備好要交一篇學校的美術作品，

I'd be ready to turn in a school art project,

她會幫我加上幾筆讓作品變更好。

and then she'd add her own brush strokes to make it better.

之後她告訴我，我選男友

Later she told me

或公寓的品味不夠好。

when my choice of boyfriend or apartment wasn't good enough.

雖然她只是想要給我最好的，

Although she just wanted what was best for me,

我卻不再知道什麼才是對我最好的。

I stopped knowing what was best for me.

一條無意識的繩子形成了。

An unconscious rope was formed.

我不應該相信我自己的 聲音、我自己的能力，

I shouldn't trust my own voice and my own ability,

我害怕無法做到完美。

and I feared not being perfect.

其他繩子也相繼出現了。

Other ropes attached themselves too.

我在充滿了吼叫、大聲說話、 表達強烈意見的家庭中成長。

I grew up in a family filled with yelling, loud voices and strong opinions.

為了保持和平，我學會不作聲，

To keep the peace, I learned to stay quiet,

不要惹事生非，

to not rock the boat,

變成隱形人。

to become invisible.

在學校，我漸漸相信，

In school, I came to believe

融入比突出更重要。

it's more important to blend in than stand out.

早期嚐到心碎的痛苦，

And the pain of an early heartbreak

讓我在談戀愛時有所保留，

led me to hold back in my relationships

才能避免受傷。

so I could avoid getting hurt.

我不夠好。

I'm not good enough.

不要暢所欲言。

Don't speak up.

不要突顯自己。

Don't stand out.

害怕失敗。

Fear failure.

這些是我的繩子。

These were my ropes.

這不只是我的故事。

This isn't just my story.

就像那隻大象，在童年 我們都漸漸相信某些事，

Like the elephant, we all come to believe certain things in childhood

但那些事並非真的——

that weren't true -

或至少不再是真的。

or at least are no longer true.

但我們仍把它們當真在過日子。

But we still live with them as if they are.

如果你曾經覺得自己不夠好、

If you've ever felt not good enough,

孤單、沒有人要、沒有人愛、

alone, unwanted, unloved,

不被看見、無能力、沒有歸屬感——

invisible, powerless, like you don't belong -

這些就是你的繩子。

these are your ropes.

如果你曾經覺得你無法 相信自己、相信別人、

If you've ever felt you can't trust yourself,

勇於發聲、表現自己、

trust others, speak up, stand out,

尋求協助、讓他人進來、 讓真正的自己被接受——

ask for help, let others in, be accepted as you are -

這些是你的繩子。

these are your ropes.

這些繩子會限制住我們。

These ropes hold us back.

當我應該相信我自己的意見時，

I found myself defaulting to others' opinions

我卻順從他人的意見；

when I should have been trusting my own,

發表意見會對自己較有益時， 我卻保持沉默；

staying quiet when it would have benefited me to speak up,

有勇氣站出來我其實會更快樂時，

and blending in

我卻選擇了融入。

when I would have been happier if I had to courage to stand out.

這導致一連串我做過的工作，

This led me into a series of jobs that ranged from tolerable to miserable.

從可容忍的到很糟糕的都有。

In one, I hoped I'd get sick so I could stay home from work.

其中一份工作，我希望自己 能生病請假，這樣就不用去上班。

It led me into a series of relationships

這也導致我陷入一連串

in which I lacked confidence in myself, the other person and the relationship.

無法信任自己、對方 以及這段關係的困境中。

These never worked out.

這些關係都無法成功。

My beliefs affected the way I perceived the world,

我的執念影響我看世界的角度，

which changed how I acted, which led to a self-fulfilling prophecy.

這就會改變我的行為， 導致了自證預言。

I felt small,

我覺得自己很渺小，

and my world became smaller.

我的世界就越變越小了。

What we believe has powerful effects.

我們的信念有很強大的影響力。

Decades of social psychology research backs this up.

有數十年的社會心理學研究可以證明。

In a study performed at Dartmouth College,

在達特茅斯學院進行的一項研究

an ugly scar was placed on participants' faces with makeup.

用化妝的方式在受試者的臉上 加上一道醜陋的疤痕。

They were then sent into a room for a conversation

接著，送他們到房間去與人交談，

and asked to report how people responded to them with this ugly scar.

並要求他們回報別人 對這醜陋疤痕有什麼反應。

But here is the twist.

但，有個小花樣。

Right before they left, the experimenter said,

在他們離開化妝室前，實驗者說：

"Hold on a minute! We just want to touch up your scar a bit."

「等一下！我們想要 修飾一下你的疤痕。」

Rather than touch it up, they removed it entirely.

但他們並不是修飾， 而是把疤痕完全拿掉。

So unbeknownst to them,

受試者並不知道，

the participants went into their conversations,

接著便去參與交談，

looking completely normal.

外表看起來完全正常。

Despite this,

儘管如此，

they came back and reported how awkward their conversations were,

他們回來時仍然回報了 他們的談話有多尷尬，

how people avoided looking at their scar, had trouble making eye contact,

對方如何避免看著他們的 疤痕，眼神交流有障礙，

and were tense and uncomfortable in the conversation.

在交談中很緊繃、不舒服。

Their beliefs about their scar led them to see things

他們相信自己有疤的執念， 讓他們看見這些根本不存在的事，

that weren't really there

替對方單純的行為強賦予意義。

and to make meaning of innocent behavior.

本應是完全正常的交談，

What could have been a perfectly normal conversation

卻變得很尷尬。

instead became an awkward one.

他們的執念造出他們的真實。

Their beliefs created their reality.

其他研究也證明了同樣的影響。

Other studies show the same effect.

在亞洲女子參與數學測驗之前 就強調出她的亞洲身分，

Highlight an Asian woman's Asian identity before a math test,

會讓她表現更佳。

she'll perform better.

若強調她的女性身分，

Highlight her female identity,

會讓她表現變差。

she'll perform worse.

引導一群男性相信一項體育任務的 表現可判斷其運動智慧的話，

Lead a group of men to believe

白人的表現會較佳。

an athletic task is diagnostic of sports intelligence,

引導他們相信這項任務 可判斷其天生的體育能力，

white men perform better.

則黑人的表現會較佳。

Lead them to believe it'd diagnostic of natural athletic ability,

給某個人一件白色大衣 並告訴他這是醫生的白袍，

black men do.

他們在注意力任務的表現 會比說它是畫家的畫袍時更佳。

Give someone a white coat and tell them it's a doctor's lab coat,

在所有這些例子中，

they'll perform better on an attention task

都是同樣的人、同樣的能力、 同樣的任務——不同的信念。

than when told it's a painter's coat.

在每個例子中，都是他們的 信念在提升或降低他們的表現。

In all of these cases,

你如何看待自己以及你的境況，

same people, same abilities, same tasks - different beliefs.

會影響你的所見、所為，

And in each case, it was their belief that raised or lowered their performance.

以及產生的結果。

How you see yourself and your circumstances

就好像我們的信念會幫我們 戴上一副虛擬實境的頭戴眼鏡，

will affect what you see, how you act,

（笑聲）

and what occurs as a result.

這眼鏡會讓我們看到不存在的東西，

It's almost as if our beliefs place a virtual reality headset on us,

帶我們進入虛假的現實中。

(Laughter)

儘管和真相差了十萬八千里， 我們依然帶著這些眼鏡。

a headset that allows us to see things that aren't really there

我記得曾聽過頂尖模特兒 卡麥隆‧羅素分享，

and sends us into a false reality.

她說儘管模特兒有 最閃亮的頭髮和最長的腿，

We have these headsets even when they're miles from the truth.

她們卻是地球上 對身體最沒安全感的人。

I remember hearing the top model Cameron Russell share how models,

得獎作家莉迪亞‧約克娜薇琪

despite having the shiniest hair and the longest legs,

分享了她在職涯初期未能把握住

are some of the most physically insecure people on the planet.

別人給她的一個文學表現機會。

And award-winning author Lidia Yuknavitch shared

引述她的話，理由是：

how she didn't follow up on the literary representation she was offered

「我們不見得知道要如何去期望、答應

early in her career.

或者選擇這個大好機會，

The reason in her words:

即使它就在我們眼前。

"We don't always know how to hope or say yes

是因為我們自慚形穢。

or choose the big thing,

覺得自己不值得擁有它。

even when it's right in front of us.

我們的眼鏡讓我們 生活在虛假的現實中。

It's the shame we carry.

也造成我們彼此的衝撞。

The shame of not believing we deserve it."

曾經，我和一個人已約會了幾週，

Our headsets have us living into a false reality.

我們稱他為班。

They also cause us to bump into each other.

我們每天都會聊天。

Once, I'd been dating someone for a few weeks.

接著，他出差去了。

We'll call him Ben.

整整四天，音訊全無。

We talked every day.

連個隻字片語都沒有。

Then he went on a work trip.

你會如何解讀？

For four days, silence.

你腦海中浮現的 第一個想法是什麼？

I didn't hear a word.

我的執念讓我認為 是我做了什麼或說了什麼

How would you interpret this?

造成這個熱情的人 改變了他對我的觀感。

What's the first thought that pops in your head?

我和朋友們談到他的音訊全無。

My beliefs led me to wonder what I had done or said

其中一位自認無法信任他人的朋友，

to make this once enthusiastic person change his mind about me.

她就很肯定他這趟出差 是和另一個女人同行。

I shared his silence with friends.

（笑聲）

One, who admits she has trouble trusting people,

另一位坦承很怕被人拒絕的朋友， 她就猜他可能在生氣，

was sure he was on this trip with another woman.

因為我沒有邀請他一同 去參加即將舉行的一場婚禮。

(Laughter)

第三位，她無法給人承諾，

Another, who admits she's afraid of rejection,

她就猜他可能覺得我們的進展太快，

guessed he was probably upset

他需要一點空間。

because I hadn't invited him as my date to an upcoming wedding.

同一個狀況，但每個人 都透過各自的虛擬眼鏡來解讀。

And a third, who has trouble with commitment,

誰對？

guessed he probably thought we were moving too fast

我應該如何回應？

and was taking some space.

每一種假設都會有不同的回應對策。

Each person saw the same situation through the lens of their own headset.

進展太快？——我應該收斂一點。

Who was right?

但如果他覺得被拒絕， 這樣做就會傷他更深。

How should I respond?

覺得被拒絕？

Each of these assumptions leads to a different response.

我應該打個電話邀他一同去婚禮。

Moving too fast? - I should pull back.

但如果他認為我們進展得太快， 這樣做會把他推得更遠。

But if he's feeling rejected, this would just hurt him more.

我好困惑。

Feeling rejected? - I should up my calls and invite him to the wedding.

當我在自己的執念中反覆忖度，

But if he thinks we're moving too fast, this will just push him away further.

並短暫藉由朋友的視角來評估狀況時，

I was so confused.

這段關係正慢慢凋萎。

As I was ping-ponging around in my own headset

你們準備好聽聽在班的 眼鏡中看到了什麼嗎？

while briefly borrowing some of my friends' headsets,

他被過去的一段感情傷得很深，

this relationship died a slow death.

他怕再次受傷，

Are you ready for what was going on in Ben's headset?

當不安全感佔上風時就退縮了。

He'd been deeply hurt by a past relationship,

完全不是大家所猜測的答案。

was afraid of getting hurt again,

有時我們的眼鏡會阻擋我們的關係。

and pulled away when his insecurities got the best of him.

我花了很長的時間才學到這一點。

It was none of the things anyone had guessed.

如同執念能限制我們一樣， 信念卻能策勵我們向前。

Sometimes our headsets get in the way of our relationships.

讓我們回到疤痕的研究實驗。

It took me a long time to learn this.

做個相反的想像。

Just as our beliefs can hold us back, they can also propel us forward.

想像研究者在受試者的臉上

Let's go back to the scar study for a moment.

加上了某樣讓他們相信 自己看起來變美麗的東西，

Imagine the opposite.

接著再把它除去， 才讓他們進入社交場合。

Imagine the researchers place something on the participants' faces

你想他們認為別人會如何反應？

that leads them to believe they look beautiful

他們會有什麼不同的表現？

and then remove it before they go into the social setting.

你相信自己很醜陋或美麗、

Now, what do you think they believe about others' responses?

擅長數學或是數學白痴、

How do you think they show up differently?

擅長運動或不擅長， 會帶來什麼樣的差別？

What difference does it make if you believe you're ugly or gorgeous,

似乎會有很大的差別。

good at math or terrible at it,

我終於學會了這一課。

good at sports or not?

我的眼鏡讓我進入法學院。

It seems, a big one.

在那裡，長期跟著我的 虛假執念被強化了：

I finally learned this lesson.

以完美為目標、 跟隨群眾、恐懼失敗。

My headset led me to law school.

這是條熟悉的路。

There my long-held false beliefs were reinforced:

有一天，沒多想什麼，

aim for perfection, follow the crowd, fear failure.

我登記參加了一堂法學院外的課，

This was a familiar path.

叫做「設計思維訓練營」，

Then one day, without thinking much about it,

這堂課保證能釋放我的創造潛能。

I signed up for a class outside the law school,

我得要設計出創新的產品和體驗，

called Design Thinking Boot Camp,

或更精確地說， 要去拉扯我的每一條繩子。

a class that promised to unleash my creative potential.

我得要相信自己的聲音， 因為創新的定義，

I had to design innovative products and experiences,

就是沒有人能給你答案。

or more accurately, pull on almost every single one of my ropes.

我得讓自己走出舒適圈，

I had to trust my own voice because when it comes to innovation,

因為打安全牌不會帶來創新。

there is by definition no one to look to for the answers.

也許最重要的是， 我必須願意承受失敗，

I had to put myself out there

願意接受不完美。

because innovation doesn't come from playing it safe.

唯有數次失敗之後， 才會產生最好的設計。

And perhaps most importantly, I had to be willing to fail,