So in honor of the Jewish New Year,

I replaced my rap air horn [AIR HORN]

with the traditional Jewish instrument, the shofar.

[SHOFAR HORN]

[SHOFAR HORN]

[SHOFAR HORN]

According to the Jewish calendar, the year is 5778

and I'm still writing 5777 on my checks.

[LAUGHTER]

[SHOFAR HORN]

[LAUGHTER]

[SHOFAR HORN]

[APPLAUSE]

Ah.

Also, it's Monday, and you all seem to be in a good mood.

But in case you're not, I want to make sure you

start your week off right.

So I found some web videos that should put everybody

in a good mood.

By law, I have to show at least one cute cat video,

so I'll get that out of the way, right away.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

Awwww.

I know it.

This kitty's like, let me in.

I want to be--

get some of that.

Let me in.

[LAUGHTER]

I-- I want to be in there.

00:01:08,070 --> 00:01:10,130 They're not even disturbing the other two.

They're sound asleep.

He's looking for something to drink I think.

He's-- Aww, that's cute.

So adorable.

All right.

There are some videos online that--

that show you how to open a wine bottle

if you don't have a corkscrew.

These are-- this apparently you can use a shoe

to open a wine bottle.

So if you're drinking wine and you don't have a wine opener

then something's wrong.

00:01:40,445 --> 00:01:41,839 [STOMP]

[STOMP]

Oh my God.

[STOMP]

[STOMP]

Yay!

[APPLAUSE]

00:01:52,937 --> 00:01:54,800 So, yeah.

Apparently he doesn't have glasses either.

No wine screw, no-- no corkscrew.

All right and here's someone trying it for the first time

who didn't do it right.

[STOMP]

[STOMP]

[LAUGHTER]

00:02:10,500 --> 00:02:12,460 Ooh.

Yeah, all right.

This next video went viral over the summer.

It's a nun throwing out the first pitch at Chicago White

Sox game.

00:02:33,070 --> 00:02:35,049 [APPLAUSE]

Yeah.

That was impressive.

Yeah, that was impressive but, I also

found some footage of what happened later in the game.

Sister Mary Jo who--

who's going to throw out the first pitch.

See that and now, it breaks out again.

And this is a good one, folks.

Now he's going off-- he knew it was going to happen.

You said it was going to happen to Kansas City.

These two teams are going to have some problems.

That's absolutely [INAUDIBLE].

[INTERPOSING VOICES]

[INAUDIBLE] took exception to it, and there was a wild swing.

That's just absolutely stupidity.

That's all it is, sheer stupidity!

Aww.

[APPLAUSE]

00:03:21,790 --> 00:03:23,420 You know, sometimes I look at things

and I think, oh, that's too stupid, I won't show them.

And sometimes I think that's just stupid enough.

So this next video is a man giving a self-defense lesson.

I think-- I think he was trying to give a self-defense--

I don't know, but it doesn't matter.

It's enjoyable.

[SPEAKING SPANISH]

00:03:46,804 --> 00:03:49,678 [LAUGHTER]

00:04:04,850 --> 00:04:06,049 [SLAP]

00:04:07,250 --> 00:04:08,150 [SLAP]

[LAUGHTER]