You guys realize Valentine's Day is just a commercial holiday?

It means nothing!

Have you guys even heard of the St. Valentine's Day Massacre?

It's not a fun holiday!

Oh, please, with this naaahhhh! You guys are just showing your love through hollow capitalism.

How was no one else seeing this?

Dude, chill out.

It's obvious you're just cynical because you're completely alone.

Oh, oh. Well joke's on you, buddy 'cause no one loves me every day.

Boom!

Every Valentine's Day ever.

Can I help you find something?

Um, I'm kind of in a weird situation.

You see, I've only been dating this girl for like a week, so it's not really that serious.

Do you have anything that doesn't say "I love you" on it? 'Cause we're not we're not there yet.

Oh, of course. We have the perfect selection for that.

How about a regular teddy bear?

Yeah, that's perfect. There's no declarations of love. Yeah, that's perfect. Thanks.

Go get her, tiger.

Shoo.

Okay.

Oh!

Um, I know like we've only gone a couple dates.

But I figured you know it's tradition and everything so I got you a little Valentine's Day present.

Aw...

I love you.

Oh...

Didn't know that it talked... awkward.

And if you didn't love me, too, I'd kill myself.

And then kill you.

Every Valentine's Day Ever.

Babe? Where are you?

Follow the trail!

What's all this?!

Well, you know, I thought I'd pick up a couple roses pick apart their decaying carcasses and spread them around the house in hopes that you would sleep with me.

Well, I don't know why I'm interpreting these actions as a romantic gesture instead of something a complete psychopath would do, but I gotta admit I'm pretty horny right now.

Cool!

I love that your head is spaghetti and I get to eat it.

Happy Valentine's Day.

- It's August. - Oh.

Yo, why are there flowers on the table?

Oh, Dad bought them for Mom.

Wait a minute.

Danny, what day is it?

I don't know, Manny, some random weekday in February.

Oh my god.

IT'S VALENTINE'S DAY!

We got to get out of here!

Hey, no leaving the house past sundown.

She's talking to us while she's doing it!

Why couldn't they just wait till we were asleep!?

Who bought me flowers?

I did, for myself.

The way I would kill myself is with a knife.

And the way I'd kill you is with the same knife.

Okay, maybe if you just press them again, it'll say something not so crazy.

The blood from my body would then mix with the blood from your body, which would bind our souls for eternity.

Son of a bitch.

- Let's touch butts! -Yeah!

Tonight was so perfect.

Delicious and expensive thick hearty steaks.

More than enough red wine.

And then a whole box of those heart-shaped chocolates filled with I don't even know

And now we can engage an entire night of rigorous and passionate lovemaking.

Mmm-hmm.

- You still want to? - Uh-huh. - Right. - Yeah, yeah. - Okay.

- Cool. You? - Oh, yeah. I'm so excited.

You're not too full?

No, I feel fine.

I'm just gonna turn off this light and we're gonna...

Happy Valentine's Day.

Yeah, we're good singers.

Happy Valentine's Day. You too. Okay, bye.

Oh, must be from my husband Michael.

Oh, to Julie.

Oh, from my husband Michael probably.

Oh! Sarah... okay.

This is definitely from my husband Michael.

Oh, see? From Michael... to... Julie.

Hang on. There's something else from Michael.

Divorce papers!?

You've been served.

Happy Valentine's Day

Bee mine.

Get it,'cause I'm dressed like a bee?

If I found out you didn't love me, and I didn't have a knife nearby, I'd kill myself with two guns.

Okay, maybe just stop pressing it.

I'd put both of them to my head and pull the triggers at the same time.

The bullets would hit each other and fuse together in my brain, just like you and me should fuse together forever.

Okay, Jesus. I can return it okay?

I love you, Rachel. Do you love me?

Say you love me, say you love me, say you love me.

I'll kill myself and you if you don't love me. Say you love me.

I fu***** love you.

Every Valentine's Day Ever.

Happy Valentine's Day, Shane.

Oh, happy Valentine's Day, Ian.

Wow, you know, it'd just be super if everyone went checked out Every First Date ever by clicking the box on the left.

Or to watch Every Elevator Ever by clicking the box on the right.

Wow, that just sounds amazing.

I'm gonna make out with somebody.

I'm right here.

Oh. Oh my gosh. Oh my goodness. Oh wow.