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- So there's been a lot of talk about this travel ban.
Judge overturned it, said it was unconstitutional.
I think we're not banning enough.
Since I got everybody's attention,
here's some more countries I think we should ban.
First up Canada, your leader's too sexy.
No leader should be that sexy.
Scotland, bunch of men running around in skirts
sucking on a bag full of pipes.
Italy, spaghetti people.
Next.
Norway, I can't let you all in,
you spell four with a J.
It's not fa-jor-tuf.
China, any country that thinks a cookie
could tell the future has no future in my country.
You people are banned.
Japan, now I know that not all Japanese people are robots
but all the robots are Japanese people.
Turkey, that's a food.
An animal at best.
That's animal cruelty if you got that many people
standing on one turkey.
France, you and your flat pancake
could stay the heck out of my country.
You call 'em craps.
Australia, I can't support a society
that supports animals with pockets.
London, people don't know the difference between
a cookie and a biscuit.
If you can't tell the difference between
a cookie and a biscuit,
you got no business coming to my country!
We beat ya once, we'll beat ya again!
Transylvania, uh no thank you,
that's where the mummies are from!
I don't need any mummies coming here and stealing my life.
Greece,
that's just an unattractive name for a place.
Ban!
Hawaii, first state to turnover the travel ban.
Guess what, maybe you shouldn't come here either.
Uh yeah, maybe we'll go down to a sleek 49.
Finland, oh the birth place of Santa.
Not a chance!
You come in here trying to distract from Christmas again!
You think it's a coincidence their capitol is Helsinki?
Helsinki!
Hell no!
Russia, I'm sorry they got all these tiny women
and little bit bigger women, and little bit bigger women.
How many women you have inside of your women Russia?
Ban.
Atlantis, people say it ain't real
but I still don't want no half-man half-fish
looking feller swimmin' up on my shore asking for money.
Iceland, I've seen Game of Thrones,
those ice walkers are creepy.
In fact, they had the right idea, they built a wall.
South Korea, you and your sexy K-pop groups.
You got all these Asian Justin Timberlakes
dancing around trying to confuse me.
I know who I am and I don't like it!
I mean I don't like, no I mean I don't like you!
You cannot come in South Korea!
Uh Poland, now I like their sausages but again
no not like that, not like that, no!
Also, one more thing about Canada,
your socialist healthcare we don't need that.
Healthy people paying for sick people, that's crazy.
Look, I'll pray for ya,
I won't pay for ya.
Thank ya very much!