(keyboard clacking)

(high-pitched whooshing noise)

(muffled metal music)

(whooshing and creaking)

(guitar music grows louder)

- Ta-da!

- You're horrible at surprises.

- Open it!

- Oh!

I stand corrected.

- Is that a new lipstick?

- It's called "Limousine."

- "Tomato, Toe-mato."

- Oh, my God.

- I really want to meet

whoever names these things.

- Hey!

On a totally unrelated note,

The Screaming Handmaidens are in town tomorrow.

Do you want to go?

- No.

You know metal gives me a headache,

plus everyone'll be all sweaty.

Sorry, girl.

But, Devon, earlier she was listening to metal.

Like, really listening.

You should ask her.

- That's a good idea.

- Are you surprised?

- No.

I'm gonna go ask her right now.

- [Man] Bad move, Freddie.

- What?

- You just opened a door you can't close.

A door of pain.

Let me tell you how it's gonna go.

First, Safiya and Devon go to a concert together.

Next thing you know, they're Facetiming

in the same room, okay?

And finally, they're making soup together.

Hot soup!

- No, that's our thing.

Saf and I make soup.

- No, not anymore.

Smell something?

Smells, what --

(sniffs)

Smells like jealousy.

- Okay, you're nuts.

(ominous gong)

(keyboard clicking)

(mellow music)

(groans)

You'd text me back, wouldn't you?

(raising pitch) Mm-hmm!

(mellow music)

Damn it.

- So I used to work at this restaurant,

it was like a Jimmy Buffett restaurant,

and we had this cook who was the --

- Hey, guys, how was the show?

- Smashing, dahling! - Smashing, dahling!

(laughs)

- Haha, cheerio.

Ah, Saf, it's Tuesday.

Know what that means?

Soup for lunch, soup for lunch.

- Devon really wanted to try this new ice cream place.

- [Devon] But you should totally come.

I hear their ice cream sandwiches are,

like, so good.

- Saf, you know I'm lactose intolerant.

- They probably have sorbet.

- Fine, fine.

I'll go.

- Sorbet for lunch!

- I'll go, I'll go. - Thanks, (muffled).

- Man, I can't believe they didn't have any sorbet!

- Yeah, I feel so bad.

- Yeah.

- You don't have any of those LACTAID pills, Freddie?

- I don't like putting chemicals in my body.

- They infuse it in the molecules or something.

- I feel like we should make ice cream.

- [Devon] I'm down.

- [Safiya] Right?

- [Devon] Mm-hmm.

- [Safiya] We could make sorbet, Freddie.

- Wait.

Wait a minute.

(chattering)

- Hey, wait.

- Could you angle it down a little?

- "The Scarlet Letter" is so hard.

I did love "Easy A," though.

- Oh, yeah.

I do love "Easy A."

- Yeah, "Easy A" was really good,

and Amanda Bynes's last role.

- Hey, guys.

- Huh?

- You guys are walking really fast.

- Oh, sorry, Fred. - Oh.

- Long legs. - Mm-hmm.

(rock guitar riff)

(creepy fun house music)

(mocking, twisted laughter)

- I love being tall.

- So do I!

God, this soup is going to be so good,

and she'll never know.

(slurps)

Freddie will never know.

(high-pitched laughter)

(low-pitched laughter)

(laughter increases)

(soft gasp)

(bongo music)

- Hey, I'm looking for, um,

I can't remember her name.

She's really tall.

She wears a lot of black.

She's best friends with Devon.

- I'm Safiya's best friend.

- Yes, Safiya.

- Yup.

- Thank you.

That's her name.

(sighs)

(mellow guitar music)

- [Safiya] Freddie.

Freddie.

Freddie!

- Oh, God, I thought you were a mirage.

- I've been texting you all weekend.

What's going on?

- Why don't you ask Devon?

- Why would I ask Devon?

She is not my best friend.

I even tried calling you.

- I turned my phone off.

I do that sometimes.

It's healthy for the eyes.

- So are we watching "Game of Horses"

tonight or what?

- I'm sorry I've been so weird.

- It's okay.

We're all weird sometimes.

I left the sink running for 20 minutes last week.

- That's, like, really bad, Saf.

- It's okay.

I compensated by getting a reusable water bottle.

- We can watch the episode at my place.

(crinkling)

- Donut?

(crinkling)

- Oh, yes.

- Yum!

- I don't even know.

(chattering)

(whooshing and creaking)