TheconclusionofthisisthatDavidoranybodyinshockin a beerwouldgive a greatblowjob.
I thinkthat's reallywhatyou'refacingyourpledgestodio.
Howdoyouthinkwegotissue?
Doyouhavetodosomethinglikekindofsexualforme?
Thatfucktogo?
Really?
Youthink I'm kidding?
Sallydidn't think I wasgettingthisentirevideois a very, verystrangeexposeintotheportofmylife, notonlinedevilSongfilledhourslater.
Notenough.
Whatwasthefirsttimethatyougotdrunk?
I waskindofliveinhighschoolanddidn't gotoemanyparties.
Oneofmyfriendsis a littleolder.
Youwentto S C s U, whichisactuallyclosertomyhouseinhighschool.
Ifyou'relookingtogoto a partyschoolcodeSTSyoulike?
Trustme.
Ifyou'relookingtogetdepressed, go.
Doyousee a life?
Ifyouwanttogetreallydepressed, gotoBerkeley.
Oh, a mentorback.
Somyfirst I'm gettingdrunk.
I didn't drink, butallofhighschool.
Firstofall, because I waslameinhighschoolandnobodyinvitedmetopartieswhere a secondofall I knew I wantedtogetaninternshipwiththeNSA, andtheyrequirethatyouhaven't drunkunderage.
Andyoualsohaven't takendrugstillmyfirsttimeevergettingdrunkwaswhen I cameoutto u.
C.
L A.
Earlyand I had a muchofroommateswhowereseniors.
Thentheydrankaroundmelike a coupletimes, and I waslike, No, I'm good, Butbytheendofthesummer, I finallyagreedtotakeshotswiththem.
I had a hugeprocess.
Myroommate, bytheway, thenno.
Andthat's a piondatingDavid.
Now I really, reallylikedhim, so I just, like, stayupandlike, getdrunkwithhimandlikeanotherguywhohadlivedwiththetimeandthenwewouldjust, like, hangoutandtalk.
I thoughtthatifsomebodystaysupwithmeallnighttalking, thenhehastobeinlovewithme.
Butit's like, No, I wasjustsomerandomlikefreshmencanyoulike?
Hecouldkillsometimeduringthesummer.
Respect.
I think I waskindoflike a littlesistertohim.
I'm a princessisinrightnow, soyouneverknow.
Anddrunkisgreat.
Holyshit.
I amenjoyingthislater.
Thatsamewaywehavetomeetourdriverinoneminuteover.
We'regonnabeOh, wait.
I amsoexcitedtousemyideasmostoftime.
When I gotocars, itiswe'lljustlikememorizingmy e onelongangrylineeightwasn't forget.
Northannow, whenyoucancrashNow I needyouarounditcomescrashingwayallknowthat I'm gonnawin I had a foosballtableinmybasementgrowingup, So I amabouttofuckingDavidwayHaveofficiallyrunoutofbatteryonthemaincamera.
So I phoneitwayjustgotbeattostepinsideeverythingyouwant.
28 a.
M.
I took a showerand I'm gonnagethydratedsomyhangoverisn't toobadtomorrow.
Hopefully, it's probablystillgonnabereallyfuckingawfultomorrow, nomatterhowmuchwater I drink.
Buteatsomelived.
Um, I'm gonnatry.
Thanksforjoiningmeonmy 21stbirthday.
Five.
Bye.
I feelsoselfcongratulatory.
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