out of Los Angeles, where a Delta Air Lines flight

had to make an emergency landing.

But it was the people on the ground

who were the most afraid.

We start with that breaking news from Los Angeles,

where dozens of children and adults

have received medical treatment

after the crew of a China-bound Delta Air Lines jet,

forced to return to LAX after losing an engine,

dumped fuel as it passed just a few thousand feet

above neighborhoods and schools.

NEWSMAN: The Boeing 777 with 164 people aboard

headed to Shanghai, China, was airborne only minutes

when it was forced to circle back.

Streams of fuel poured over three local schools,

where 44 children and adults

complained of skin irritation,

suffering from minor injuries.

Man, that must have been terrifying.

Los Angeles gets jet fuel

sprayed on them from above.

And worst of all, it's not even organic.

Yeah. This is also probably how God punishes you

for not nominating women directors, L.A.

That's what it is.

Now, fortunately,

no one in the schools was seriously hurt,

but I-I like to imagine that there was one rebel kid

sneaking out behind the school to smoke a cigarette. Yeah.

And his friend was like, "No, Mike, cigarettes are dangerous."

He's like, "Don't be such a bitch."

(imitates explosion)

(laughter)

Now, now, in case you're wondering why the schools,

in the pilot's defense, they had to dump the fuel

because the plane lost an engine

because it's a Boeing, so it makes sense.

But... But, like, did they have to dump it over the schools?

It almost feels personal, right? Like, three schools.

You know? It's almost like one of the pilots

went to those schools, and his copilot was like,

"Let's dump the fuel over this vacant lot."

He was like, "No, no, I got the perfect place.

Take that, Mr. Engelberg!"

All right, let's move on, though, to some legal news.

America has always had weird, old laws

that no one realizes are still in effect,

and one man who's getting divorced

is trying to take advantage of that.

A Kansas man has asked an Iowa court

to let him settle a dispute with his ex-wife

with a trial by combat.

The Des Moines Register reports

David Ostrom asked the Shelby County court

to give him 12 weeks lead time

in order to forge katana swords.

In those documents, Ostrom argues trial by combat

has not been explicitly banned

or restricted in the United States.

Trial by combat?

Wow. When this couple said, "Till death do us part,"

they meant it.

This would be like if Marriage Story

was directed by Quentin Tarantino.

And I honestly feel sorry for the wife,

because getting divorced is already hard enough.

You know, usually it's like, "Oh, my ex is so annoying.

He wants the kids this weekend, and we agreed..."

And now it's like, "Oh, my ex is so annoying.

"He won't stop texting me about how I only have

six more weeks to forge my own weapon."

And by the way, how crazy is it that people are like,

"Well, trial by combat was never explicitly banned,

so I guess it's still a thing?"

Like, how backlogged is America's legal system, right?

'Cause this... this doesn't bode well

for something like reparations, you know?

'Cause think about it. It's like, "Yeah, I'm sorry.

"Reparations are gonna take a while.

We're still trying to outlaw jousting."

I will say this, though. I will say this.

This is a great loophole if you just want to murder someone.

Yeah. Like, if someone at work

is stealing your lunch out of the fridge,

you can just run up to them like,

"Jerry, I challenge you to a duel."

"Huh?" (shouts)

And then everyone in the office has to be like,

"Goddamn, Jerry lost the shit out of that duel."

(laughter)

And finally, last night's Democratic debate

featured some fiery exchanges,

particularly between Bernie Sanders

and Elizabeth Warren.

But it turns out the real drama happened

after the main event was over.

Onetime allies Bernie Sanders and Elizabeth Warren,

the two senators...

They're working through some issues.

They had this moment after the debate

where Senator Warren left Bernie Sanders hanging

as he tried to shake her hand.

That was followed by a brief but noticeably tense exchange.

(laughs): Tom Steyer there...

NEWSWOMAN: Caught in the middle.

NEWSMAN: Deciding, "I'm not gonna get in the middle

-of all this right now." -NEWSWOMAN: Well, too late.

Wow.

This beef between Bernie and Warren is really heating up.

And you know what that means.

Trial by combat!

That's how they do it in Iowa, baby!

And by the way,

how cute is Tom Steyer?

He's, like, oblivious to the whole tense situation.

He's just... He's so cheerful.

He's just like, "Wow, what a fun debate, guys.

"You guys thinking what I'm thinking?

"TGI Fridays?

"No, Bernie? Applebee's?

What do you want?"

Now, everyone has been trying to figure out

what Bernie and Elizabeth Warren were saying to each other.

And they don't want to tell anybody.

They haven't said anything to the press about this mini fight.

No one knows. Nobody knows what they said

except The Daily Show.

Because, you see, we have high-tech technology

that picked up their conversation.

Bernie, did you see the Oscar noms?

Little Women-- what a snub.

-What? -Greta Gerwig, best director.

Oh, if we're talking snubs, Adam Sandler

-in Uncut Gems was snubbed. -Uncut what?

They don't respect the Sandman.

-I saw Cats. -Scram, Moneybags.

Wow, that was intense.