Subtitles section Play video Print subtitles Yesterday was the weekend, and the weekend means sports. So let's check out what happened in another edition of I Apologize for Talking While You Were Talking. -♪ ♪ -(cheering and applause) -Yeah! -Yeah! What's up, people who like sports? He's Michael Kosta. I'm Roy Wood Jr. -Kosta, big college football news this weekend. -Yeah. Yeah. The playoffs are set. The bowl matches are set. Which games are you looking forward to? Well, I just put $14,000 -on the Panera Bread Bread Bowl Bowl, so... -Okay. Okay. I think you have a gambling problem. Not if I win, okay? Anyway, Roy, let's start with today's big news. You know how Russia's always a major force at the Olympics? -Yeah. -Well, nyet anymore. REPORTER: Breaking news in the sports world. This morning, Russia received a four-year ban for doping from the World Anti-Doping Agency. This means there will likely be no Russian team at the 2020 Summer Olympics or the 2022 Winter Games. REPORTER 2: Now, Russians will still be able to compete at global competitions but only under a neutral flag and with no national anthem. -Oh! Shit! -Oh! Shit! Russia got banned from the Olympics for doping too many times. Now, it is important that we say, Kosta, -their athletes can still compete as individuals, -Yeah. -but they can't represent Russia. -Mm-hmm. They can just represent themselves. Yeah, it's like... (Russian accent): "Hi, I'm Vlad. I'm here to throw javelin." -"Okay. Where you from? Where you from?" -"Uh, you know. "I'm from around. Uh... Do you have any clean urine I can buy?" Look, I got to say, man, I think banning Russia -from the Olympics is a massive mistake. -Mm. -Russia lives for athletic competition. -Yeah. Now we just got a bunch of angry Russians with nothing to do. The Olympics are like the after-school program that's been keeping them off the streets. -It's true. -Now they're gonna be meddling in everything. -Yeah. -Our elections, our power grid, -our relationships-- which reminds me, baby, -Yeah. if any nudes pop up in my phone, it was the Russians. -Yeah. Me, too, baby. Okay. -Yeah. Hey, let's move on to the NBA, where LeBron and Anthony Davis have the Lakers in the top of the NBA standings. -They're 21 and three. -Wow. That's only one loss for every eyebrow they have combined. Yes. And, last night, A.D. picked up 50 points, but it's what happened courtside -that's got people talking. -Oh, yeah. As you wake up this morning, maybe you're checking Twitter. You're wondering why "Lizzo" and "jumbotron" are all trending. See, last night, Lakers game had a little bit of everything, including Lizzo pulling up her dress to show off her thong when the Staples Center showed her on the jumbotron while the Laker Girls danced to a routine to her song. -Oh, yeah! Yeah! -Oh...! -Lizzo is living her best life! -Living her li-- best life. -Goddamn! -Goddamn! That outfit was a bold choice, -a very bold choice, because I would not want -Yes, I-- Yeah. to put my bare ass on stadium seats, -especially, especially courtside seats. -Yeah. -They're cushioned. -Cushioned. -Cushions absorb everything. You can feel the bacteria. -Yeah. Ugh. Lizzo's gonna take a DNA test, and it's gonna turn out she's 100% Jack Nicholson farts. Speaking of the Knicks, you know how they've been losing all season? Well, they're finally doing something about it, Roy. Well, the Knicks have lost eight in a row. They're off to one of the worst starts in franchise history. Today, they decided to part ways with head coach David Fizdale. Fizdale actually held practice with the team today. This is him at Knicks' practice facility shaking hands with management. And just an hour later, he was fired. -Okay, this-this is-- this is unfair. -Damn. You can't blame the coach when you never gave him -the right players to win. -Mm-hmm. You can only make dinner with what you have in the fridge, right? Which is why, tonight, I'll be eating Eggo Waffles, Sriracha and AA batteries. Yeah. Now, I don't really feel bad for this guy. -He's getting $17 million. -True. The only thing better than getting $17 million for coaching the Knicks is to get $17 million -for not coaching the Knicks. -That's true. Hell, I'll not coach the Knicks -for $16 million. -Yeah, I mean, I'll do it for 15, but I got to wear a thong. That's fair. That's fair. You know what-- you know what they should do? For the rest of the season, the Knicks should give every fan at the game a ticket and raffle off a chance to be coach for a day. Roy, that's the plot of a Whoopi Goldberg movie called Eddie. She wins the contest, and she gets to coach the Knicks. Oh, okay, okay. Fine, fine. Forget it. Look, the point is the Knicks are so embarrassing they need to go into hiding. They got to go somewhere where no one will find 'em, like-like a house full of nuns. That's-that's also the plot of a Whoopi Goldberg movie called Sister Act. -H... -Whatever. Look, man, the point is that basketball clearly ain't their thing. Maybe instead of playing basketball, the Knicks should just sit around all day talking about the news. That's The View, Roy! Damn. Whoopi Goldberg is also on that. Damn it, man. I can't get Whoopi out of my head. I-I need something else to think about. I-I got something for you. You want to see a picture of me wearing a thong? -How 'bout right-- What? What? -I'd rather die. I'd rather die. I don't want to see a thong picture. That's it. -Back to you. Back to you, Trevor. -If you zoom in, -you can see my frostbite right here. Look. -No! No! No! Michael Kosta, Roy Wood Jr., everybody.
B1 TheDailyShow knicks thong lizzo whoopi kosta I Apologize for Talking While You Were Talking - Lizzo’s Thong & The Knicks Coach | The Daily Show 2 0 林宜悉 posted on 2020/03/18 More Share Save Report Video vocabulary